What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 24
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Australia
What country and/or city do you live in? Australia
Highest education received: High school diploma
What’s your occupation? Childcare
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 18
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Losing My Virginity To A Stranger
How long ago did this hookup happen? 7 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was tall, skinny, and kind of cute. I thought he was really funny. He seemed very relaxed and confident. We met at his house the night before we actually slept together. He was having a few people over for drinks and our mutual friend invited me.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The night we met there was a lot of alcohol and drinking games, and everyone was kind of making out with everyone on dares, but I was making out with him just because I liked him. We didn’t do any more than kiss that night, but I went over again the following night and it escalated. I planned for it, but I’m not sure if he knew what I had in mind. My friend told him I was a virgin and she said “his eyes lit up”, that was when I decided maybe I could lose it to him. I had never really had strong feelings for anyone, but I wanted to have sex. I felt more comfortable about losing my virginity to someone who didn’t know many people I knew, and who didn’t know me very well, probably because of poor self-esteem and feeling unsure was about sex. In theory, I wouldn’t have my feelings hurt because I had no expectation for anything to come from it. I just wanted to have the experience and then be able to avoid him if it was terrible. We were both instigating the making out but I definitely took it further, not him.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I was pretty inexperienced and a little uncomfortable. He fingered me while we were making out, but I didn’t really enjoy it. I don’t think I even touched his dick because I was so nervous. He tried putting it in and it sort of went in but I don’t think all the way, and it hurt. He kept trying, but I was a bit too tight/not turned on enough. He tried to move down to give me oral but I pulled him up because I was uncomfortable. He asked if I was okay and I said yes. He asked if I wanted to keep going and I said maybe we could just sleep? He said of course, and he went to the bathroom, then came back and we cuddled and went to sleep. He had work in the morning so he had to leave early, but he let me stay and sleep. He was really nice and chill about it, considering I had instigated the whole thing and then just kind of been awkward and had no clue what I was doing.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Excited to be able to say I wasn’t a virgin but embarrassed that I had been so awkward. I was glad that it was with him and not someone I knew or who knew my friends at school, but I was disappointed that I hadn’t enjoyed it more. I was torn between wanting to give it another go and get to know him a bit, and wanting to never cross paths with him again. I never wanted it to turn into a relationship, but I wouldn’t have minded it becoming a friends with benefits deal. I hung out with him again the following weekend but nothing happened outside of a few kisses. We didn’t see each other for a while after that until one night he was house sitting and invited me over. We had sex again but it was pretty similar to the first time. Since then we’ve seen each other at lots of parties over the years and have made out but never slept together again. He tried a few times but I wasn’t keen for another awkward experience. I still think he’s cool, very funny, and sweet. Now that I have more sexual experience I would be open to giving it another go! Would be nice to have good sex to remember instead of just the awkward stuff!
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, Everyone else was/is doing it, Peer pressure, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My best friend the following morning, she was excited for me. I also told our mutual friend that had introduced us, she was super excited and hoped it would turn in to something. Some people at school found out too, but no one really said anything to me. One of my friends was talking to my best friend about it and she told me he said it was kind of creepy cause the guy was 6 years older than me but I never thought it was creepy. He never pressured me. If anything, I was the pushy one.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? I think my brain was ready to have sex as I really did want to lose my virginity, it wasn’t just peer pressure, but I don’t think my body was ready. I thought losing my virginity would be painful and awkward, but if I just got it out of the way, then I could have good sex. I think the key to good sex is really really wanting it, which I didn’t until I was about 22. Part of me regrets this because it didn’t feel good, but honestly, I think not doing it would’ve had different and probably more negative impacts on my mental health so I probably wouldn’t go back and change it.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The guy I chose. I put myself in a very vulnerable position with a guy I didn’t know at all and it could’ve gone so badly! He could’ve talked a lot of shit about me afterwards, could have forced or pressured me to do more than I wanted to, but he didn’t.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I wasn’t ready so it didn’t feel good.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It made me quite wary of sex for a while. I think one night stands are great now, but not the best way to start out.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’m very pro casual sex. I’m 24 and I’ve never been in a relationship or had much success in dating, so for me casual sex is key. I think people with an aversion to casual sex are far more likely to end up in unhappy relationships or to end up “settling” for something that is less than what they want. I hope more people can be open to casual sex and I hope it becomes more accepted, especially for girls who are generally judged far more harshly.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think its awesome 🙂 I love talking about sex and reading about other peoples experiences. I found it because I wanted to learn about the psychology behind casual sex. Is it healthy? Why do some people feel so negative after a hookup, while others feel empowered? This project is exactly the right way to learn more! Giving people an anonymous platform to share their stories on, that’s how you get real openness and honesty!
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!