by Lillian

Gender: Female
Age: 20
Race/ethnicity: Caucasian
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
Occupation: Student
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: N/A
How religious are you? A little
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 1
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Losing the V

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 month

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Friends-with-benefits

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We’d been working in the same office on campus for a few months. I thought he was really attractive and intelligent, but he had a girlfriend so I didn’t really think anything of it. I’m pretty reserved at work so we didn’t really talk outside of short conversations, but then I started running into him at parties and we would flirt (as I usually do when intoxicated). I could tell he was intrigued by me… and what he called my double personality. Pretty soon after, he broke up with his girlfriend and he began inviting me to parties at his house. We’d flirt a lot but nothing ever happened, though I wanted it to.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? His house was in Park City so a bunch of us would usually stay the night after a party. After the last one, a few of us were watching Netflix in his room and soon everyone else had gone to bed except the two of us. We talked about the fact that neither of us was interested in relationships; he was enjoying his freedom and I have issues with commitment. I thought it was the perfect situation… neither of us wanted anything serious and we were obviously attracted to each other. We hung out for a while, at this point it was almost 4am, and he started to drift off. Disappointed, I decided to go to bed and headed to the room I was sleeping in. A couple minutes later he texted me asking if I could keep a secret. When I said I was an excellent secret-keeper he told me to come back to his room…

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I got to his room and he pushed me up against the door and gave me one of the best kisses of my life. He smelled amazing and before I knew it he’d carried me over to the bed. I by no means have a lot of experience with guys, just casual make outs that never progressed to anything more (thanks to the guys, not me… apparently they were too worried about my virtue). He was not so concerned and things progressed fairly quickly, soon I was naked. He mentioned getting a condom and I realized that this was probably the right time to mention the fact that I was still a virgin, which is always pretty awkward and had scared guys off in the past. He took it well and was really nice about it, making sure that I really wanted to have sex with him and that I wouldn’t get attached. I assured him that I wanted to, and didn’t feel any attachment to being a “virgin.” It wasn’t great by any means, and it hurt a little, but overall it was a pretty good experience and got better as I got more into it. He was really considerate and let me be in control of everything. I didn’t orgasm (he did), but I didn’t expect to the first time anyway.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? I’ve been on birth control for years due to health issues, he told me he’d been tested and was clean, and he wore a condom.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? On some level I wanted to get my first time “over with” so to speak. I was tired of having to tell guys I was a virgin and have them lose interest. Plus, I was really attracted to him and it felt right, so why not?

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We’d both been drinking and smoking weed earlier in the night, but we were both sober, or nearly so, when it happened.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Honestly, I didn’t have any expectations. I was open to repeating it. Since that night we’ve hooked up quite a few more times and are “friends-with-benefits.” The sex is amazing now, and I feel really comfortable with him and trying new things. I still don’t have any desire to have a serious relationship or date him. I’m really attracted to him and like hanging out with him, but I just don’t see him in a romantic way. It’s purely sexual.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my best friends and my sister. They were surprised but thought it was great and were happy I was finally getting what I wanted.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes, it was for both of us.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Not at all.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing? Gaining a FWB and lots of great sex later on. The worst? Well, it hurt the first time so that wasn’t great. “Losing my virginity” (that’s such an antiquated phrase, I didn’t lose anything, I just had sex for the first time) in this way was exactly what I needed and it definitely changed my perspective on casual sex. Growing up, I was always told that you should be in love with the person, or better yet, married. I thought that having sex would be emotional and make me fall in love with them. It didn’t. Casual sex is perfect for me right now.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

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