What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 27
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? Malaysia
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Lecturer
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Occasionally bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20+
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? The first sexual partner was a guy I knew at work, I was around 24 at the time, and he was 33. He was quite rugged and tall and well built and we had an immediate flirtation at work.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It started in a night out with work- he whispered in my ear ‘you know how I feel about you, I think we should get together before you go away’ (I was leaving my job in a few months time). I never thought this would happen as he was in a relationship but clearly a ladies’ man. We exchanged numbers and started a highly sexed ‘sexting/flirtation’ relationship at work where we grabbed any opportunity to grope each other. It came to the point where we wanted more and we arranged for him to come over one day. We had talked a lot about hardcore sex, and that was what we planned to do.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We arranged that I would wear some black lingerie which was see through, and he came to my house in his work clothes. I led him up the stairs and he groped my bum as I walked up them. As soon as we were in the room I pinned him against the wall and rubbed his crotch with my body. He straight away slipped inside my pussy and fucked me bent over standing up against the wall. We had an understanding that I would like to be submissive, and he put me to my knees as I deep throated and he fucked my mouth. It was quite messy but really fun. He spat on me and my makeup smudged all over but it was great that our inhibitions just went out of the window. After that, we had sex on the bed in all manner of positions (doggy, legs up, me on top, side to side) and he licked my pussy which wasn’t very satisfying as he wasn’t very accurate. I deep throated him a lot which is something I like to do. The sex was very intense and he was so big it was almost painful, but I really enjoyed it. We did a lot of choking/spitting/slapping (on both him and me) and it was very exhilarating. We also used a dildo and as much as I wanted to have anal sex, I hadn’t done it before so we didn’t do it that time (We did do it the time after and he double penetrated with with a dildo/penis- thumbs up!) As we had fantasized, I got to my knees as he was about to come and he came on my face and I rubbed it all over. We took pictures which we enjoyed looking at together in our sexting later.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? It was great fun and it exceeded my expectations as it was very intense and rough and everything that I wanted. I didn’t have emotional feelings towards him so it wasn’t a problem. As bad as it sounds I didn’t really think about his girlfriend. I wanted the relationship to continue and to meet up again. Right now we don’t talk, but we spoke for many months.
After that, he realized my interest in women and introduced me to his friend (who was married and also in her 30s) she and I started texting and got very interested in each other. The complicated situation I got myself into developed when I met her for the first time, and had an instant attraction to her. She decided to take me home and surprise her husband with me and pretended that we had met out that night. We ended up having a threesome although I wasn’t especially attracted to her husband. Our relationship continued for many months. The three of us became extremely close, to the point it became very intense and jealousy became an issue. I still speak to them but not in a sexual way anymore.
A few weeks later, me, my work friend (who I mentioned before) and her also met up for a threesome one day, although she and him had been sexting for years (unbeknown to her husband) they had never actually met to have sex. The sex wasn’t as fun as we had imagined, as there was a lot of tension and jealousy between us. I think he enjoyed but neither of us females came. She was also a very self conscious person and this didn’t help.
After that, the three of us never met up again, apart from me meeting up with her and her husband for many months after. I still saw the guy from work for casual sex which continued to be great, but never told her about it as she would become jealous. After some time however his girlfriend became suspicious and apparently found out about someone else he was sleeping with (as I mentioned he was a ladies’ man…) and therefore he cut all contact with me which wasn’t much of a problem to me as I had moved away.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Many of my friends are not as open minded as I am about my sexuality and they were rather confused and judgmental about my experience, but their opinion didn’t affect me.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was so much fun experimenting and connecting on a different level. I am quite a highly sexed person so was great to meet people with similar minds. I really enjoyed being with another woman and also becoming great friends with her too. I learnt a lot and loved the experiences
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? As the months progressed it became increasingly difficult as I had to hide the fact that I knew the other girl had cheated on her husband in our other threesome, and jealousy became a problem as me and her were separately in contact with my work friend. It all became very complicated and eventually I stopped enjoying it.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Definitely, I learnt that I like to be with women in a sexual way, occasionally, and I learnt a great deal about what sex I like and how to get the most out of it. I also learnt to be more confident, and experienced experimental sex that didn’t rely on alcohol or drugs. I hadn’t had many sober experiences before and therefore was a really good experience for me. I like casual sex as long as it’s with the right person and that you are in the right frame of mind, and is done with protection and care.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I definitely think that attitudes need to change. I have always been very sexually active compared to my peers, but even now they still have a judgemental stance ‘oh, there she goes again’ (they are all in long term relationships). I think that we all have needs and as long as communication is right, it can only be a good thing.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a fantastic idea, I learnt about it from a Ted Talk. It’s a great platform to share exciting stories and learn that everyone is just the same and not to feel ashamed!
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