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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 44
What’s your race/ethnicity? Black
What continent do you live on? North America
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Writer/Consultant
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? sneaky pete freak
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 40+
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 4

Low-Down Dirty

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2

What was your relationship status at the time? Separated

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Well, my partner was the brother of an Ex I dated 20 years ago (and we lived together 5 years), and the best friend of another ex that I dated 15 years or so ago. He’s clergy now. When we first met, he was far from that. I always respected him, he was smart, handsome-somewhat nerdy, kind of a know-it-all (which is why eventually stopped dealing), well-mannered. Better than his brother and the best friend (both were cheats, the reasons we stopped dating). I met him (again) when I went to a church while separated from my husband where he was speaking. He is married, but he and his wife we separated. He invited me to “chastise” me for hooking back up with his no good now ex-bestfriend. I always respected him, I never wanted to sleep with him. Thought he was a standup guy.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He invited me over to his house on several different occasions (which is nothing new and I’ve gone to his place many times for the same thing) to work on some charitable endeavors over wine. We always chatted about different things, nothing too personal but he seemed to want to discuss my ex. We talked and he just blurted out I don’t know why you ever went with him anyway or my brother, I always wanted you. It was totally out of the blue, totally shocking. I just kind of stood there. Not saying anything. I kind of felt, set up. Well, I hurried up with my work and left. After that things got awkward. I went over to his place another time because he called me and asked me to come over because he really needed to talk to me. He called a few times before trying to get me over but I wouldn’t do it (advised by my bestie not to as well). After 3-4 put offs, I finally go.

He called me one day while I was at work and he was in between a church conference performing clergy duties and asked me to come over to help with something. I figured it wouldn’t be long so I stopped by. Boy was I wrong. I got in sat down and he offered me a glass of wine, nothing unusual there. After a few minutes of idle chatter he walked up to my face and started kissing tongue me. I pulled back from him in shock, and a little disgust because of our unique connections. Just felt weird. He started to kiss me again, but this time I was more relaxed. I was attracted to him but I would never act on it because of his clergy life, and me having been with his half-brother (which he was fully aware of……….probably knew more about me sexually than I could ever imagine). We continued kissing…………the old Sally (my pussy) betrayed me. She started getting wet. I was going to fight this at all cost, or so I thought. I was lonely and horny.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We kissed for quite sometime, and then he started pulling up my skirt. I kept trying to stop him but he wouldn’t. He actually was quite forceful/persistent now that I think about it. He led me to a sofa in his living room where he pulled his church dress slacks down, pulled my panties and tights down, kicked his shoes off, pushed me down on the sofa and tried to have sex with me. I was in shock so I can’t say I in support or not in support of it. Just was happening. Well after a while of fumbling around and kind of being in the mood (and considering we were alone and no one would ever know) I took my shoes off so I could pull a leg from my tights and he could position him self to get inside of me. During the entire encounter I was having an out of body experience. I just couldn’t believe I was in that position. I felt set up. I wasn’t really into it, and I love sex.

Side note: He had a nice dick. Long with a curve, and it was a nice width. Great kisser, body……….skinny as a string bean and really not my type of guy physique wise.

It was quick (he was trying to get back to church), and we only did two positions (missionary, then me on top). He came really quick (not sure if it was because he needed to get his ass back into the pulpit or if he was aroused by me and this conundrum he had created). He apologized for cumming so fast, walked over t the sink and got a paper towel to clean up and offered me his restroom to clean myself up. I was still in shock. I had just screw a married pastor. I had just screwed my ex’s brother. I had screwed my ex’s best friend. I really felt like crap. There was nothing exciting or even good for my sake about the encounter. He was very nice after we cleaned up, and asked me to considering “secretly” being with him. I didn’t say anything that implied I was in agreement or disagreement. I simply said I would consider it and he scurried back to meet his obligation. I left his place and went back to where I was staying. Somehow my room mate knew something had happened. I later told her, and she was shocked. He didn’t take his clothes off, mines off……….it was just cold. I felt, set up is the best way to describe it.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day, I was still shook about what happened, the ramifications of what could possibly happen if this out. After the hookup and I didn’t talk to him or see him for a few days. He offered to prepare a dinner for me to apologize for his “short cumming.” I took him up on it as it was the least he could do for such a sorry, quick, unsatisfying lay. When I arrived………again it was a set up. Candlelight, fully set formal table, music, and items for meal prep (he is a neat freak…….house is always immaculate). I was extremely impressed as it had been years since anyone had made that kind of effort for me. We prepped the meal, talked about the sex (and he apologized again). One thing led to another and we did it again……….the right way which was much better and the level and caliber of sex and intimacy I expected from not just him but anyone. I began to see some potential. There was always attraction.

After the second meeting and sex, I was pretty sure we had a connection. We went on to have awesome sex (secretly) for about 5-6 months until reality set in. He was in love, and I was too but I wasn’t about to be a preachers wife or girlfriend, nor was I interested in being labeled a harlot, bed wench, tramp, Jezebel…………so I decided to work on my marriage and eventually left town. He was very hurt (and cried)when I went to tell him about my decision. He and his wife were still separated and he was secretly trying to put things back together with her (again). I later learned they had been separated for about 8-9 times. I liked him, but I am not willing to live and lie playing with religion. He wasn’t willing to walk in the truth and be what he really was, an imperfect man that is in the wrong field of work. We met a few times afterwards for sex, but he was depressed and angry. I stopped it. He changed and was very callous towards me. I felt disposable. Later I realized that it was just his way of acting out. I don’t speak to him now. He is a narcissist and I’m an empath. Oil and water. I don’t like him at all now. Since we stopped dealing, he has had several other affairs, and has 2 children by 2 different women on the way. I dodged a bullet.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Sterilization

What were your motives for this hookup? Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, I was feeling lonely, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, I didn’t want it but was unable to stop it

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Not at all

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My bestie. She was shocked at him. We made up a nickname about him. We call him church pants because he didn’t take his church pants off when he fucked me the very first time. We got a quite a chuckle about it. She thought it was a bad idea, and that he always had a motive. Turns out he was right. Abusing his power, hiding behind his title and authority just like most men in authority (another topic for another day)

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Do you regret this hookup? Very much

Why do you regret this hookup? Because I screwed his half-brother and his ex-best friend. He was clergy. It began and ended awful, the middle was awesome. I “try” to have rules for my escapades and life in general. This fling broke 2 or 3 rules. So many conflicts.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The emotional connection in the middle was wonderful. We both were lonely and empty. We provided some fuel to make it through an ugly time in both of our lives.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I lost a respected friend, and I lost respect for my friend. I also kind of lost a little respect for myself (for a few months anyway). This hookup and subsequent fling completely changed our relationship which was fantastic for 25 years until 2 years ago. Now we don’t talk, so I lost a good friend. It also changed my views about religion (which were already gone out of the window). People are human, no one is perfect, and religion is used to control us (mind, body, spirit, and soul). While I understand the purpose of it, the attempt to govern morality is so unattainable and unachievable.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No, no changes about how I think about casual sex, but yes about myself. I think I didn’t have good judgement usually, but this relationship was very poor judgement on my part. I love casual sex and I will always have it. Just not with friends anymore. Breaking that rule is just bad (or it was for me). I love owning my sexuality and making decisions about my body without worrying about condemnation. I hate that women and judged differently than men when we are casual. Women are judged not only by men, but other women beause of their own personal or religious beliefs. We shouldn’t impose personal and religious beliefs on others. What works for you doesn’t work for me. Express yourself in manners that are comfortable and safe for you. And even if they risky, you have the right to choose to do so (and live with the consequences).

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I really dislike religion now. Since this experience I have not practiced any for a few years and I feel like I have been released from a prison. Sex combined with religous morals makes us prudish, hide our sexuality and desires, and causes us so much grief. I would not screw this guy again no matter how good he was. I think he is manipulative after looking back over the entire fling, which is dangerous when you’re vulnerable.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex has been instrumental in keeping me grounded. I am able to detach sex from emotions at times and that’s hard for a lot of women (especially my female friends and acquaintances) because they haven’t had the same life experiences that I have (I’m a foster kid………you learn to detach and keep your emotions in, and moving and being around people that don’t really care about you is nothing new to me). Sex is very vital for me. I love how each man I’m with is different. I learn something about myself and about men in general (I’m heterosexual). I feel like we women are penalized for not being experienced enough, which causes men to cheat on us. They get bored, or we get preoccupied because we really don’t understand how important/vital it is to them. We are built differently. The same can apply for men, but because they get a “pass” on practicing their sexuality they often have higher expecations. I think if society had a more relaxed view of sex marriages and relationships would last longer because we all could practice to decide if we wanted to find the perfect partner, or continue to enjoy practicing sex.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I love CP, and I live through the individuals in so many of the stories shared. I wish I was adventurous as some of the people here. I wish I could feel comfortable to enjoy other types of sex that I’ve fantasized about such as w4w, orgies, going to sex clubs, visiting Hedo, groupsex, and some of the other bucketlist items that I’d like to experience and that turn me on. This project has made me seriously consider my sexuality, and consider a long-term moratorium on a relationship once I end my marriage in order to explore my sexuality further without being bound by the thoughts of others.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!