What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? I was 64 at the time… now I’m 70
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Suburban Philly
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Psychotherapist
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Jewish
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Am very attracted to men of all ages
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 80
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
A Married Man Fell in Love with Single Me
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2004 for six months
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Rick was a handsome Italian man who told me he had “Jewish sex” – he had to beg for it from his wife. I’d met both of them at a seminar I gave, so I did see her, a terrible dresser, who rolled her eyes at him in contempt. By then, Rick and I had started fucking. I knew the more he’d get to know me, he’d wanna marry me. He was about 68 and told his wife that he was flying off on business trips. She believed him, but actually he was visiting two separate women just so he could fuck them. Once he’d asked her for a divorce and she said no. He told me he was too big of a ‘coward’ to go it alone. Plus he loved his family…five kids.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I spoke at his Rotary group. Afterward he called me up and asked if he could take me for lunch. I fascinated him because I sat Indian-style in the front seat. He’d also invited me to a Christian club where we read the awful Rick Warren. I said I’m not gonna read the book but I’ll discuss it. He was a very lonely man. Said that one of his daughters had bowel cancer and no one paid attention to him, but me. I was deeply concerned about the daughter. She and her husband had moved in from Illinois, I believe, to their household so Rick or his wife Judy could drive her to chemo.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Great sex! We did everything. He’d never “eaten” a woman before or had anal sex so he was delighted beyond belief. And we were not young. He told me about work. How he had to fire someone for stealing. Told me about his baby who only lived six months. LeeAnn was her name. However, I soon learned that he was insanely jealous. “What! You mean Larry is single!” Larry is my current boyfriend.
Told him I had had a threesome with black men which made him so sick he became impotent in a motel room we were staying at.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I often wonder if he reads my blog and knows what I write on Facebook. I rarely think about him. This was 11 yrs ago. Here’s how he broke up with me. He asked his wife for a divorce. She threatened him with suicide. One morning he called me up and said we’re through. She was listening in on the phone. Fine, I said, and after a few more words, we both hung up.
Ten minutes later he phoned me. We spoke for one minute and then I hung up on him. He tried to get back with me by sending me his PO box number, which I never responded to. His wife made him leave the Rotary Club as she didn’t trust him. Pussywhipped, the bastard!
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My best girlfriend and my family.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I became sexually and emotionally intimate with a man I never knew. It was pretty great!
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I don’t believe in dating a married man and I suffered extreme guilt. One night I wet my bed.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not really. But I do caution my many friends not to get involved with a married person. I’ve stopped a few affairs.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? It was super fun staying in a motel or two.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Hard to generalize. Met a man who kiddingly asked me to be his lover as his wife had a mental illness and wasn’t interested in sex. In cases like that, it’s fine. Each person must decide for themself.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Awesome!
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!