What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 35
What’s your race/ethnicity? Black
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Ireland
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Writer
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Buddhist
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Long stints of feeling self-prohibitive and complacently asexual, then suddenly balls to the wall.
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 30+ (maybe 40+?)
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Massive Dick and It Was Rad
How long ago did this hookup happen? One week
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He looks like Keanu Reeves in the 1990s. Absolutely gorgeous, white with a touch of Pacific Islander (Keanu Reeves is Hawaiian), endlessly tall, sinewy, cropped black hair, and a kind, calm, “whaaa?” sort of expression. He was very helpful and friendly to me when I was in an intoxicated state and thought I couldn’t find my debit card (later revealed to be on my person), at a bar I frequent. The bar’s a classy space and its clientele is generally artistic, mature, and chill, so I consistently feel safe. He is British but lives in Ireland. He didn’t have a predatory vibe, and we talked for a while, it feeling natural and genuine, before organically deciding to go to his place. I was all in, not feeling anxiety, which happens if I’m hooking up for psychological reasons other than just the fun of it. For the past two years, since a horrible and abusive live-in relationship, I’ve been working on myself and trying to discover exactly what kind of men and situations I’m drawn to, and within those, what’s actually good for me.
Before English Keanu Reeves, I’d had sex three months prior (total bomb, selfish loser met on Bumble), and before that six months (great one-time/two-day experience from Tinder). Leaving with him, it was the first time in more than a year and a half I was like, “Fuck YEAH!”
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was alone at my favorite watering hole/event venue in our city, where I often blindly find myself on weekend nights after initial plans with others, as it’s open until 4. I was in a state; not sloppy, per se, but going on about “what am I going to do” since I’d lost my debit card, though turns out I had it. You get the picture. He appeared next to me early on, reassured me, dancing, companionship, vibes, attraction, we closed down the joint and headed back to his.
Part of the decision was that since I thought I didn’t have my card, I couldn’t get a taxi nor take the bus, so we decided I lay low at his place and make a decision in the morning. He wasn’t predatory, and it was partly a safety thing, partly we wanted to hook up and he lives nearby.
I dig stories like this because there are several men who think they need to be dominant-acting to get laid, but the reality is often the opposite. I think a lot of straight, single, Western women will jump on a cute, sweet, quiet guy who seems ambivalent, but willing. I can’t speak for other cultures and identities.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Vaginal. Nice and slow at first, then deep, rhythmic, and hard. Me on top, missionary, and doggy style with me lying down (which I love). Twice at night (I think), and again in the morning. He has a HUGE, THICK, LONG, ROCK-HARD penis. Excellent. It has been my experience that tall, thin men pack heat.
An interesting point is I don’t remember cumming, yet I still wildly enjoyed the experience. I know I didn’t cum in the morning, but that was because I couldn’t lose myself in the experience. I travel a lot for my jobs and was just back from out of town the night before, not planning on hooking up: hadn’t had *the area* waxed in months (I warned him; he didn’t care), hadn’t groomed my hair’s undercut in a while, had a lot on my mind, etc. So in the sober light of day, I sort of wanted to appease him once more then go home.
I enjoyed it because he was a gent, and I realized through this experience that I was finally, genuinely comfortable with myself sexually and attracting the right kind of guy since my horrible relationship. It made me realize I was comfortable BEING casual. Even with a full-on bush and a bird’s nest on my head, I was all, “lezzgo”. And sitting on a huge dick is pretty much always a seat at the circus.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The day after was great because since I’m not mentally invested (which I couldn’t help being in previous hookups, even with undeserving people), I’m unfluffed whether we see each other again. He was eager to find me on social media and friend me before I left, which was a nice sign. And we had a little back and forth since then, but that’s it. Ha — though now he will know everything about my life from Facebook! A weird contemporary world we’re in.
Anyway, a lovely and simple encounter it was, which reminded me of everything that’s fabulous about mature, safe, consenting, casual sex. I’d be more than to happy to be his friend, even without further sex.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Intoxication, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told three close friends in Ireland via message the day I left — two guys, one of whom is gay; and one non-binary — as I was excited. I told a straight girl group the next day at a festival. We had our congratulatory cackles. Yes, women do this. A lot.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The sense of freedom and respect! Also a hot, gentlemanly guy; who had moves; and a lovely penis.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I wish I’d have been more groomed, as I know I personally would’ve felt more comfortable to let my freak flag fly. I’m a pretty feminine girl, and when I’m feeling myself, I’m roaring and unstoppable. When I’m not in full mode, I’m confident, though more meek and baseline. If we ever hook up again, heyyyy, let’s plan ahead for next-day. Real talk.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Absolutely. See above.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Get it, girls!!!
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’m all for it. Sexuality is natural. The stigma is repressive, antiquated and thoroughly misogynist.
On the other side of the coin, if someone is not overtly or freely sexual and doesn’t want to hook up, male or female, hookup culture shouldn’t make him, her, or they feel compelled to do so, or to feel negatively about themselves. As mentioned, I go for long stints of barely thinking about sex, yet consider myself a sensual person who loves simple affection when I infrequently give into it. (For psychological reasons, I tend to box myself away from affection outside of a committed relationship; friends and otherwise.)
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s the raddest thing since crackers with good cheese on them.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!