by Not Don Juan

Gender: Male
Age: 19
Race/ethnicity: White
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
How religious are you? Very
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0


How long ago did this hookup happen? Two months

How would you best classify this hookup? two one-night stands

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was cute. Brown hair with blonde streaks. Brown eyes. Not slim, but not overweight. Thick? Hearty? Solid. She was a friend of some of my older friends, and I had hung out with her a couple of times before, but only with said mutual friends. She struck me as a little odd- not just whimsically quirky, but actually odd. I was curious. I hadn’t seen her in a month, but she hung out with us before a big party at the end of the semester. I thought she looked nice, and she was friendly enough, but I had already been planning on making a move on someone at a different party than the one that she was going to. I would only go to this party if my plans at the other party did not pan out. Cue foreshadowing.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Things at the other party went terribly, though, to be fair, I had been warned that this chick was insufferably pretentious and snooty. So I went back to the party that my friends had gone to. One of the first things I was aware of when I got to the party was seeing the girl I had hung out with a few times, and making my way over to where she was standing. I was plastered, and I would pay dearly for it in the morning. She was standing in the back yard with one or two other guys, and I cannot recall if I said anything to them. When they left, I just looked at her and giggled, and said, “Hey, want to, like, go make out behind that tree or something?” She started cracking up and we went over behind said tree. After thirty minutes she decided that we should go back to her apartment.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We got back to her place, undressed, and got into bed. She pulled out her Mac, because she wanted to watch a movie. I hate Harmony Korine, and I don’t care if you think what he has to say is interesting. About thirty minutes into the film, I snatched her laptop and put it on the floor next to the bed (well the mattress that was on the ground that she slept on) and said, “That’s nice, but really there’s something else on my mind right now.” I removed her panties, and ate her out for ten or fifteen minutes. We had sex, first in missionary, then her on top, then I took her from behind, then back to missionary, for about forty minutes. She wasn’t a very good lover, but I’m not either, so it worked out all right. Neither of us had an orgasm, but I stopped because I was getting too sweaty and she was getting dry. When we stopped, she picked up her Mac and resumed playing the movie, and I just went to sleep. In the morning, I felt like an anvil had been dropped on my head. We talked without dressing or getting out of bed for three hours, and I, being a writer/comic/performance artist, relished in the opportunity to practice my post-coital nebbish. On the way back to my dorm, I bought a cream soda and chuckled to myself the rest of the way back.

A week later I went back over to her place to finish the movie. We both got hammered again, had subpar sex again, and woke up in the morning with a bad headache. Again.

I saw her at a formal two nights later, bought her a drink, and said, “Maybe I’ll have a chance to see you before you leave for summer.” And that was that.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? I used a condom the first time. I tried to use a condom the second time, but she said that condoms sucked and asked me why I was using one. She said she was on birth control. So we didn’t use a condom the second time. We didn’t really discuss STI history, and that made me nervous for a while, especially when she told me the second morning about how much of a druggie she used to be and about how much sex she had had. 

About a month later I had a rash pop up on my inner thighs around my genitals, but they were very localized so I think they’re just heat rashes (I’m running regularly for the first time in eight months, and I live in a subtropical climate). I’m generally very nervous.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I hadn’t had sex in about two months and I wanted to have sex. Even though the “sex” wasn’t good, I found it an enjoyable outing for many reasons. For instance, I played rugby all throughout high school, but decided that I couldn’t play anymore in college because of all the injuries I had racked up in four years of playing. I was really missing aggressive physical contact, and my girlfriend in high school, who I was sleeping with into March of this year, was very small. This girl was big enough, so the physical force of impact during sex with her was able to alleviate the symptoms of withdrawal from tackling large sweaty men that I was experiencing. I was able to dump a lot of my psychological distress out with the event.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Yes, we were both very hammered both nights.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt silly about the hookup. During the first, right up to seeing her at the formal, I was hoping for something more with her, but a friend pointed out how silly (A) she was, and (B) how silly the affair was, and from that point I just wanted to go the week and a half until summer I had left without seeing her. I haven’t heard from her since the formal, and I’m all right with that. She’s living with six of my friends next year, and only two of them know about the event, so I’m just hoping that we can avoid being awkward about it now.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told three of my friends from high school who were at different schools about it, and about how renewed I felt after the first hookup. They said, more or less, “Nice. Glad to hear it.”
I told a few of my friends at university about it, and they all just sort of laughed and said, “Her?” Like I said, I knew she was odd, and I was actually sort of expecting them to react that way.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Both of us wanted the hookup. Maybe we had different ideas of what to do after, but there wasn’t a whole of time to worry about miscommunication.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I don’t regret this hookup. I think it was silly, but I also think it helped me get through the semester, and learn something along the way.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Prior to this experience, I had only had sexual relationships with people I had strong friendships with. I think I see now that that is an incredible luxury and privilege, and that sometimes when those kinds of people just aren’t around, you just do what you feel like you have to do, and try your best to make sure that your partner(s) are on the same page. The worst part was definitely having to watch that stupid fucking Harmony Korine movie with her.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

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