What’s your gender?
How old are you? 55
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Pittsburgh PA
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? IT Adminstration
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Hetero attraction, all good when the fun starts
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Mistake To Wait So Long
How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? Group sex
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Husband and stranger he met through Craigslist and arranged to meet. New friend was average in most every way.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Husband and I had talked for many years about hooking up with a couple. Many false starts as my own petty jealousy after meeting and considering my husband being with another woman trumped my bi-sexual curiosity. To get things moving my husband suggested we take another woman out of the equation and try a devil’s threesome and go from there. He did all the planning with the condition I could veto or stop at any point. We met the guy at a bar near a hotel where we’d gotten a nice room with a whirlpool tub in the room. After a few drinks and conversation, we left him at the bar so I could clear my head and decide whether to text him our room number without pressure. Excitement and curiosity won out over nerves and we texted the room number.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We started with a few more drinks while sitting in the tub together as a way of getting comfortable with being nude in front of a stranger. Eventually I began kissing my husband as a way of making sure he was still on board. Sensing no hesitation I began kissing our new friend and reached under the water and began stroking his dick. It was the first man I’d touched in more than 30 years and the mix of emotions is hard to describe, nervous, excited and more. My husband got out of the tub first and started the video camera he’s set up near the bed. The three of us climbed into bed and I started performing oral on the new guy while my husband fondled and teased me all over. His head was a lot clearer than mine and he kind of directed, trying all the things he could think of that we’d talked about. Double penetration, various combinations of me giving oral to one while the other fucked me but the one that completely blew my mind was when my new lover had entered me from behind while we lay on our sides and my husband went down on me while the other guys was fucking me. The sensation, the shear eroticism of cumming while being penetrated and eaten at the same time is beyond words. Just when it thought couldn’t get any more over the top my new lover came in me (we talked about using condoms but opted not to) missionary and after rolling off me my husband dove in and licked me clean before taking sloppy seconds.
We went back not the tub to clean up and refresh. A little bit later after sitting on the couch and sipping wine I was thinking about what all we’d just done and a wave of energy and excitement came over me and I started making out with our friend again, climbed on to him cowgirl style and we began fucking again. My husband retrieved a second camera and started filming. We moved to the bed and I spent the remainder of the evening fucking my new friend while my husband recorded it all and masturbated. It wasn’t until a couple days later that I realized we had about 5 hours of video total and about 3.5 hours of it were just me and the new guy.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The very next morning I was a bit apprehensive and worried my husband might have regrets, but he didn’t at all and was especially attentive and loving towards me as he repeatedly thanked me for the experience. Later that day as we were reviewing the video I was a bit concerned as the disproportionate amount of time I spent with the other guy became apparent and I worried again he might start to get jealous and have regrets. To the contrary, he told me that as much fun as the threesome was it was a lot more work than he’d imagined and it turned out that he liked watching me with another man as anything and was a bit surprised himself at his comfort level with some of the male/male stuff.
We let it sit for a few weeks and made sure there weren’t any regrets and then we eventually hooked up a couple more times with the same guy at the same hotel. Though encounters after were less focused on the three of us together at the same time as they were about my husband watching me and engaging in some bi fun with the guy.
I’ve come to realize now that my only regret is we waited so long to act on our urges. The friend we had been hooking up with was pretty far way to begin with, by design so there was distance between us so no chance of bumping into each other if things had gone badly, and we weren’t meeting up as frequently or spontaneously as we’d like … then he changed jobs that moved him to another state. We’ve tried in vain to find someone but have come to realize that in our area the options of unattached men around our age who are into the same things we are as the saying goes slim and none. I really wish I hadn’t been so darn stubborn and moved on this ten years earlier.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Sterilization, Discussed STI testing history,
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Other than anonymously talking about it on some websites there are only two other people who know about it. I shared my experience with a girlfriend who had confided to me that her and her husband were talking about swinging.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The best thing about this is both myself and my husband have let go of our secrecy about our deepest desires and are now more open with each other than ever before. We also have several hours of videos of the encounter(s) that we like to watch and reminisce with and that’s a close second.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It has caused us some regret at having waited so long and now realizing how much time was lost withholding from sexual pleasures we both desired for silly reasons like social pressure.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, it has changed me profoundly. It has completely severed the old notions I had that there must be an emotional connection or significant commitment to a relationship in order for sex to be desirable, fulfilling and/or acceptable. I now realize my husband is committed to me and our marriage of 35 years in ways beyond sex and old-fashioned idea of mandatory monogamy or definitions of sexuality.
Yes, my husband, I like to have sex with others and it has not impacted our relationship in any negative way. If anything it has strengthened it.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Carrying out this adventure has been the best thing we ever did … though I would caution it may not be for everyone and I can imagine that while I wish we’d have acted sooner in our lives, doing so too early in our relationship might have had much different consequences.
If you’re considering doing something like this be CERTAIN, be CAREFUL and be SURE you’re secure in your relationship. Don’t ignore the potential pitfalls or problems.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I believe there’s a time and place for everything and like most anything in life casual sex can have a negative or positive impact on your life depending on its place in your life and how you treat it. As positive as these experiences have been for us after 35 years of marriage it’s not hard to imagine the same activities would be a red flag for someone at another point in your life. Casual sex will NOT solve existing relationship problem or strengthen an immature or unstable one, but it might enhance one built on a solid foundation.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? We just stumbled across it and haven’t dug too deeply, but first impressions are it looks promising.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!