What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 42
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? San Francisco
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Retired Radio Dj
What’s your current relationship status? Still with ex-fiancée although he is bisexual and has been cruising guys online.
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 12
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
My Anonymous Monogamous Sexual Relationship
How long ago did this hookup happen? 14 years ago & continued for 7 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Fuck-buddies / Booty call
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I first saw him on a hot East coast August day. He was the bus driver of the one I was taking home. I caught his eye in the rear view mirror checking me out as he drove & I was a bit flustered because he was so very handsome. We reached my stop but I was too shy to introduce myself or drop my number, so I got off the bus and he waved at me as I crossed the street.
I was kicking myself for not giving him my number and I rode that bus for the next week hoping I would run into him again, but no luck.
Yet the following week, I was heading back to my new home of Boston from New York where I still did my weekly radio show, and after a long 24 hour whirlwind of bus travel to NY, 4-5 hour radio show, tiny nap, train to subway to bus to train, I was back in Boston with my record bag and waiting for the morning bus so I could go home and crash. And low and behold… there he was. He walked up to me smiling and said, “I’ve been looking for you” to which I said, “That’s good, because I’ve been looking for you too.” He was taking a break and asked if I wanted to go sit on his bus with him and chat for a minute, I of course said yes. I was new to the area and hadn’t met anyone interesting yet, so we exchanged numbers. He said he would take me to Fenway for a baseball game and then I got up and went home.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He called me the night I was at the Democratic National Convention at the Boston Garden. We arranged to meet up the following night at a local Charlestown bar close to my place. We had a couple drinks, had the whole “who are you, what do you do, blah blah blah” conversation and decided to leave the bar, stop the chit chat and start making out on the street. It was a hot summer night and we made our way up to the monument and rolled around on the grass.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We had so much intense sexual chemistry and wound up having sex on the grass, at a public park/national monument, late on a hot summer night. It was super gratifying. He was electric, like we knew instinctively what each other wanted and how to give it. It felt great, even though that kind of quick frisky activity wasn’t usually my style. I even forgot for a minute where we were. When it was over we got up, and he walked me home (which was pretty close by).
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After I knew that we weren’t going to date, but hoped we could see each other again, casually, for sex. The chemistry was just too strong not to. After that first night at the bar, we never asked too many questions of each other and actually didn’t do much talking at all when we saw each other. We continued sleeping together for the next 7 years, on again, off again, sometimes not for an entire year, and then it would be on again. The entire time I lived on the east coast, 7+ years, he was the only man I was having sex with and yet I knew absolutely nothing about him.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Withdrawal, Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, To feel more desirable
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my sister and a few girlfriends back home, but wanted to keep it a mystery for myself mostly.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The sex.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Looking back… it sucks not knowing more about him. I moved back to the west coast and saw him the night I was leaving, and once more when I visited in 2010 or 2011. But then I became involved with someone at the end of 2011 & he asked me to marry him. Soon after he had looked at my phone and saw some texts between this hookup and I and he made me delete his number. That was all I knew of him so with that gone… so was he. I didn’t end up marrying that fiancée and have tried many things to locate the hot mystery bus driver but was unsuccessful until about 2 weeks ago.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Absolutely. It changed the way I viewed casual sex encounters and it bolstered my confidence as a sexual being. I was able to explore my darker side without racking up a number of “what was your name again?” partners.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I met him 14 years ago, and completely lost all contact 6 years ago. But we miraculously reconnected a few weeks ago via text and we might see each other next month.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? See above
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it is an important forum. I have always felt that this particular anonymous monogamous casual sex relationship was so rare, so unique, that I couldn’t make sense of it, but the Casual Sex Project helped me make a little more sense of it all.
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