What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 26
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Bagenalstown
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? One
My Best Friend
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He is older than I am. A little overweight and bald. He has facial hair and the most amazing blue eyes I’ve ever seen. We were best friends for 4 years before we hooked up. We met at work. I always had a crush on him and we always flirted with each other.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It began at my house. He came over a few times a week but one night we started kissing. We both knew it was a long time coming and it sort of just happened.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end?
We didn’t have sex for a while after we first kissed. The two main reasons were he was married and I was a virgin. We knew it was a bad idea but we spoke about it and one option we came up with was to just have sex one time and get it out of our systems. But it didn’t happen just one time. It happened many times over the course of a few months. It was pretty basic stuff. Just some oral and vaginal sex. I had never had sex before so I had nothing to compare it to, but it was still pretty amazing. I had an orgasm almost every time. He always made sure I felt good and was very caring. It brought us so much closer and I began to fall in love with him. It was a dangerous game we were playing but neither of us wanted to stop. We were caught by his wife when she saw a text message from me on his phone. It ended there and we have barely spoken to each other since. I even had to change my job. But I still don’t regret it.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After everything ended I became very lonely and depressed. I had lost my best friend and my rock. He was my go-to person whenever anything was wrong. What we did was wrong but in my head, I had this dream that we would be together forever. I always felt like he was my soulmate. It has been 7 months since it ended and it still hurts just as much as it did the next day. I still love him and I would do anything to have him back in my life.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friends, my boss, my doctor, and my counselor.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The best thing about this experience was how close it made me and my (former) best friend. Even though we are no longer close. I felt like someone really cared for me and I liked being important to someone.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The worst part was obviously the circumstances we were in. While the experience itself was amazing, the fact that he was married made it difficult. I’m not saying his marriage was bad. But things would have been easier if he wasn’t married.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I lost a lot of self-respect after this experience.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? One thing I have learned from this experience is to never become “the other woman” again. It hurts everyone involved. It’s just not worth it. Friendships, marriages, and families are all put at risk just so two people can have a bit of fun. I don’t regret the hookup I had for a number of reasons, but it’s not something I would do again.
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