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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 33
What’s your race/ethnicity? Kazakh
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? Kazakhstan
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Researcher (sexuality education)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

My first casual sex

How long ago did this hookup happen? A month

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? S. was a Turkish man I met on my vacation in Turkey. He and his friend were on vacation at the same hotel as I and my friend. S. was tall with dark hair and mustaches, black eyes and tanned skin. My friend flirted with S.’s friend and invited them to join us for a chat by the pool after dinner. I found S. attractive and fun even though I didn’t speak Turkish and he didn’t speak English. We used my friend as a translator as she spoke Turkish and we also used the online dictionary and Google Translate. Before the hookup, I did not expect anything like that to happen at all as I never thought casual sex was my thing.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? As we chatted and learned about each other’s countries and work they invited us for a tea (Turkey :D) at a cafe on the beach. While having a fun conversation, they invited us to a nightclub and we agreed. As we walked back to the hotel to change, S. kissed me for the first time. We walked ahead of the other couple and they appeared behind. S. hugged me trying to hide our kiss and that was somewhat cute. At the club we danced and had some beer but were not drunk. Our kisses became more intense there and I could feel his erection through his jeans. After some time we went back to the hotel but I still was not going to have sex with him. I did not think I was capable of doing it with a person whom I didn’t know actually.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end?

At the hotel, we went to a terrace where there was no one and continued kissing and petting. The only English word S. knew was “baby” but I understood he was begging me for sex. I was turned on too and wanted to have sex with him as well but had this inner barrier that it was not right. Eventually, I agreed but requested him to use a condom so we went to a drugstore to get it and then to his room.

It was something new for me knowing that I was going to have sex with a man whom I only knew for about 5 hours. In the room we each took shower separately, laying down and started kissing.
We had oral and vaginal sex. S.’s penis felt too big for me and it was even a little painful. I did not have an orgasm and found the kissing and petting stage more pleasant. S. did not want to use a condom and was upset about the fact that I made him use it but he did come. After that, we lay down in bed and tried to talk and it was very funny. We just named parts of our bodies in our own languages and tried to learn some words. Later we met with our friends and went to a cafe at 5 a.m. We spent the rest of the night with S. and had sex in the morning.

This was at a resort in Bodrum, Turkey, and the next day the men left for Istanbul. My friend and I planned to spend a couple of days in Istanbul as well and when we arrived there 4 days later we met again and had sex one more time. This time S. didn’t have a condom but we still had sex as he was very insistent and I wanted to have sex as well. I regretted it immediately after it was done because though S. was a very good kisser he was not a very good lover and came very fast. I started worrying about STI and despite the fact that S. told me his health was perfect I was still pissed and told him to leave. He left and was very mad at me. We had sex three times but not once I had an orgasm.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now?

It was the first time I met a person and had sex with him the same night and it was very romantic for me especially because my friend also hooked up with S.’s friend (they keep in touch via social media) and we keep discussing it remembering some funny moments.
I did hope that maybe we could become something even though we live in different countries and don’t speak the same language. All this romance made me feel very stupid and mad when about a week ago I found out that S. has a wife and two kids since before anything started, we specifically asked each other if any one of us had a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, It was easy/convenient

How intoxicated were you? A small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? My partner was a very enthusiastic initiator.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Immediately to my friend with whom I was on vacation who also hooked up with my partner’s friend. We both had some very romantic feelings and got disappointed over time but we don’t regret the whole thing at all. It was a good experience. I told my two other friends (women) when I came back home. They fully supported me and one of them regretted not going with us as we invited her for the vacation as well.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It made the vacation romantic, fun and unforgettable for my friend and I. We shared this experience with each other and will remember it always.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The worry after one unprotected intercourse and the regret that I allowed it to happen, risking my health. I did the tests afterward and my analyses are good.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I have learned my lesson. Never again I will allow an unprotected sex to happen with a person I barely know. This actually made me scared of sex as there’s no 100% protection from STI and HIV. How can I trust anyone’s word? A person can be even unaware of his own illness. I can’t ask for a health certificate every time when I want to have sex. Most probably I’m done with casual sex. It was my first and the last time. At the same time I’m glad I tried it with someone with a big penis. Now I know that too big won’t bring me much pleasure or maybe it takes time to get used to it. I also got rid of my fear of bearded men and men with mustaches (unlike bristles these facial hair don’t scratch).

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Women need to have more courage and respect for themselves to not get pressured into sex if they find it unsafe.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex is stigmatized in regards to women but less so in regards to men. After experiencing it myself I can understand why people would do it from time to time but not doing it almost every day.
I still think that when it comes to women, sex can bring more pleasure when it’s with a person you feel close to, you like or in love with. I wish both women and men thought so too and had less meaningless sex after which they feel worthless and empty.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I’m actually still struggling to grasp the ultimate goal of this project. It felt somewhat good in remembering the details of my story, writing them down and making some conclusions for myself. Maybe that’s one of the goals of the project. Or maybe it helps those who feel bad about themselves after casual sex know that they’re not alone.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!