What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 18
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? US
Highest education received: Not graduated from high-school
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 2
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
My First Hookup
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 day
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This guy was tall attractive with long hair that kind of fell in his eyes. I did not know him before at all. He was a friend of a friend I was visiting in another state. She had a bunch of people over to hangout. There were about 8 people over and we all watched TV and passed around a bottle of vodka. It was typical kind night but the group of people hanging out was different. Everyone there except for me went to school with each other but they did not usually hang out with each other. Before the hookup I thought he was just an attractive typical kind of guy. My friends and I are always trying to set each other up with our other friends from other states so at this party I was paying especially close attention to the interactions between my closest friends and the people at this party. I also was look for someone to hook up with. I had been looking for several months before. My boyfriend of a year and a half (and my first boyfriend) had broken up with me 4 ago. But it felt like a lot longer since the entire summer had gone by. I had not hooked up with anyone else and since dating him and was eager to do so especially since he had moved on and started dating someone else a month after we broke up. I had moved on emotionally but felt like I needed to hook up with someone new in order to be fully moved on. But I had been to a lot of parties and had given up on actually finding a hook up. I assumed that the guy I hooked up with was single and some how imagined that he had been out of a long term relationship. I imagined that he was in a situation exactly like my own without any real information about the guy.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The hook up started when he was really drunk. Earlier in the night he had been sitting with a girl I liked (I am bi) with his arm around her but she was obviously not very interested and simply tolerated him. Then she and most of the other people left the party or went up stairs to clean up. I was asked to come up and help clean but for some resign I wanted to stay down stairs with the guy. He had not expressed any interest with me we had not even talked. But still I would find that by chance we were standing next to each other at times and people who were new to the party would ask if we were dating. It got to the point where it was just me and two guys sitting watching TV. The guy said, “I am so drunk I want someone to cuddle with”. But with only one girl in the room it was obvious he meant me. I did not respond and he said it again this time jokingly asking the other guy in the room to cuddle with him. When he was rejected I got up and sat next to him. He put his arm around me and i leaded against him. The friend I was staying with and another friend who was staying over them came down stairs. We all kept watching TV for a while I am not sure how long. At one point I led on the guy so that my arm was on his pants (if you know what I mean). Then he kissed the top of my head and when I looked up at him he kissed me on the mouth. We started making out and the three people who were in the room got up quickly laughing and went into another room. No planning involved; it was completely spontaneous.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? During the hookup we took my shirt off but we were otherwise completely dressed. I offered to give him oral and started but stopped because he was took drunk to get hard. He offered to finger me. I wanted to but had been sexually assaulted a few years before and was took tight for him to even get one finger in. I wanted him to do it but for some reason I am never able to relax enough to let someone do it. I did not tell him that though and he kept trying. It felt like he tried over 30 times. He would just start and stop over and over again. He was good at making out and I could tell he had a lot of experience. He was nice to me and very cuddly. He remarked several times how he wanted to have sex and wished he had a condom even though he could not even get hard. He was not asking for my consent which, in retrospect, was concerning. I was not interested in having vaginal sex but took this as being a compliment and did not feel uncomfortable since I knew we would not have sex. He said he wanted my number and to hangout more. I did not even think of that as an option but hearing him suggest it made me want to keep in touch. I felt like I had achieved something and was desirable by being able to hookup with a total stranger. We talked about how many of our friends must have lost their virginity on the couch we were sleeping on, how we thought the other person was attractive, and how we were tired and drunk, how he was really drunk and would be really sick in the morning. We kept falling asleep and waking up again. Gradually there was a shift though. I think it was as he began to sober up more and feel his hangover. He was less interested in me I could feel it by the way he was holding me.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I woke up in the morning not having realized that I fell asleep. He got up in the morning to the bathroom. Came back in the room and remarked on how sick he felt. He started checking his phone and commented on how his phones battery was low. I had a charger so I let him use it. Then I went to the bathroom. When I got back he asked, “What even happened last night?” I was surprised and kind of taken aback and just asked, “You don’t remember?” He did not say anything and went back to looking at his phone. I know realized it was to avoid talking to me. He got up then told the friend in the next room that he was going home and left. Without saying anything more to me. I went into the other room to hangout with the people but they wanted to sleep more. So I went back to the couch and thought about what had just happened. I felt sad, happy, attached, and rejected all at the same time. But I had gotten what I wanted, or at least what I thought I wanted. I felt like I had just hit fast forward though a relationship like the one I had just gotten out of. In the end I was the same. I had fun, been filled with confidence, and then felt a little betrayed at the end. I felt like I was more over the old boyfriend but that feeling faded quickly and I felt the same about him as felt before the hookup with the other guy. Eventually the friends from the other room woke up. I told them about everything that happened the night before. They were really surprised that we had hooked up. We were an “unlikely pair.” I soon learned that he hooked up with a lot of different girls in his home town. I realized that he was not as close of friends with the people at this party I was close friends with as I originally thought. He had joked at the party about how he had issues with his parents and now I realized that those issues were real. That’s all any of my friends really knew about him and so thats all I ever learned about him. I wanted to say that the whole night was not a hookup but they said it counted. They all gave me a high five and I felt like I had gained respect from some of them. Each of the guys there later told my close friend later that they would have hooked up with me. The friends organized another party a few weeks later and invited the guy to come but did not tell him I would be there. As soon as he saw me he said, “Well this is going to be awkward.” Maybe he regretted hooking up with me in the first place or was embarrassed about something I am not sure. I do not regret the hookup but I am glad things did not end up going very far. It was good closure to see him again and now I have moved on. I don’t really like him anymore since he was kind of jerk in the morning and when I saw him again.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Submission / Relinquishing power, Making new friends, Everyone else was/is doing it, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, Revenge / Getting even, Boredom, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Completely wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friends (5) from out of state who were at the party and happy for me. I then told my school friends about it and turned it into funny story. Most of them found it to be really funny but my closest three friends did not approve. They were concerned that I was partying too much and was becoming too reckless.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? That it was something new. It was a good experiment with alcohol and hookups. I would also not have to see regularly if I did not want to so that made it good for experimenting.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That the guy was kind of a jerk after.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It has changed the way I look at casual sex. I see casual sex as being a good alternative to committed relationships. I see myself as being more desirable and confident in my ability to find people to date or hook up with.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I did not expect it to happen. I have found that in high school you never really know when something like this is going to happen or who it will be with.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex should be more accepted by society as a whole. I think people should respect their partners more. I know so many people who spend weeks trying to plan a break up so they don’t hurt their partner as badly but people do not seem to think about the feelings of casual sex partners. Maybe that is part of the point that there is not feelings, but I think a person can at least say good bye and thank you when they are leaving.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I like it. I am glad there is an opportunity for people to share their stories and I hope it helps to break down stigma or increase safety and education around casual sex.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!