What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 47
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? US
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Director of Executive Dining
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Over 100
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 2
How long ago did this hookup happen? When I was 16
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? First time, became long affair with married man
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was a handsome older married man. I babysat his children but only dealt with his wife. There was a neighborhood start of summer block party. I was depressed and feeling sorry for myself because my girlfriend’s family had to move away. There were no other teenagers at the party and I had no one to talk to, so I helped myself to a plastic cup of white wine while no one was looking and walked down the street.
He came up to me and asked me if I was okay. He was nice and took a real interest in me. He said he was lonely too because his wife and kids were away for a couple of months at their mountain cabin. He said he was worried about me drinking too much and asked if he could hold my cup of wine. We walked and talked and every so often, he asked if I wanted another sip. I didn’t realize it until much later that what he was really doing was plying me with the wine.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was really attracted to him because the boys my age only wanted to talk about themselves, but he wanted me to talk. I practically told him my whole life story. At one point I almost cried; he opened his arms and I hugged him. He kissed my forehead and stroked my hair and told me I was pretty and intelligent and had a good heart. Then he lifted my head and kissed me on the lips. It was a sensual lingering kiss.
We walked and talked more and stopped a couple more times to kiss. I told him I needed to go to the bathroom and he walked me a couple more blocks, then down an alley. He then opened a gate in the alley fence and walked me through the back door of his house. I wanted to leave but he took my hand and we kissed again. While we were kissing, he ran his hand under my top and deftly unhooked my bra.
I liked it, but it also made me uncomfortable and I turned to leave, but as I turned he placed both he arms around me and cupped both my breasts in his hands. OMG, that felt so incredible because he was so firm in holding them but so lightly flicking my nipples that I got aroused. He was kissing the back of my neck and then ran a hand slowly down my tummy and under the elastic waistband of my panties. I didn’t want to go any further, but when he touched my down there it felt so good.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? A minute later there I was naked and in bed with a married man twice my age. I tried to stop things and told him no but he told me not to worry and that everything would be okay. The closest he got to asking my consent was when his penis was pressed against my labia and he asked if I was a virgin. When I told him I wasn’t, he slid inside me.
Once inside he stopped and kissed me more and told me again how pretty I was. His penis was large and uncomfortable, but I got used to it. He pulled all the way out and kissed me more and I wanted him back inside me. The sex itself was amazing. It was like he knew my body better than I did myself. I had a great and memorable orgasm. He pulled out and we cuddled and talked some more. He told me he hadn’t finished. I spread my legs for him and this time he was extremely physical. He ejaculated inside me and then fingered me to another orgasm.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We cuddled and talked after. I took a quick shower. He told me to drop by the next day if I wanted. I got up early before my mom and dad were up; I left a note saying I was going out for a run. I went to his house; he’d left the back door unlocked. He was still in bed. I took my clothes off and joined him. We made love again. He cooked me breakfast. We made love again.
At the time I didn’t think we had a future but it ended up that we did. We made love a lot that summer and even after his wife and kids came back home we were able to see each other a couple times a month. When I was in my 20s things were erratic but there were a couple times he stayed in my apartment for the weekend. I got married when I was 29 and wanted to stay faithful to my husband but ended up swapping husbands with one friend and then another.
This married man came back into my life after I’d been married four years and we resumed our affair. The last time I made love with him was a few months ago.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Sterilization
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication, I was feeling lonely
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Not at all
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave a clear ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I’ve told parts of it to girlfriends. Their reactions have been mixed.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Amazing sex; I thought I was a lesbian. I clearly was not.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Having to sneak around later.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The affair was not perfect by any means. The first time we had a quickie was horrible. I had to learn that in a sexual relationship there were going to be times I had to submit and endure. I had to anticipate his needs and moods and there were definitely times where I just had to offer myself up for his pleasure.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? He didn’t tell me until after we’d made love the following morning that he’d had a vasectomy.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? So I don’t like using bad language but one of the things I learned about myself was that there were some times where I just like being fucked. I like having a man want me and there are times when I don’t want to get emotionally involved or even fully physically involved. I just want to be fucked and get it over with meaning there are times I actually don’t want to have an orgasm.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It is really interesting to me.
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