What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 21
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Researcher
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 12
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
New to online dating
How long ago did this hookup happen? Two years
What was your relationship status at the time? Complicated long-distance
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was about 6 ft tall, Black, very muscular, sort of a baby face but very handsome. I had only chatted with him a few days online (he messaged me first) before we met and hooked up for the first time. The first night we met, I felt very nervous because I thought he would be “too hot” to be into me.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We chatted online that day, with some flirty texts and some talk about smoking weed together that night. He picked me up from my apartment in his car at around 10pm. I was a Sophomore at college and he was as well. We got to his place, and honestly the nervousness was only intensifying. I felt somewhat out of my comfort zone. I didn’t know this guy and yet I was here alone with him in his apartment. I wasn’t planning on having sex with him the night we met. I thought we would watch some TV, smoke, and make-out if the right mood struck. The night was very different from that. He didn’t end up smoking weed with me once we got into his apartment, he vaguely offered me some, and I said I only would smoke if he did. He said he didn’t actually smoke that often. I tried to talk to him to cut through the huge amount of discomfort I was feeling, but these attempts didn’t lead to a conversation. The oddest thing about him was how child-like he acted. He used short sentences, rarely inquired anything about me, answered my attempts at conversation with short, vague responses as if speaking was too much effort. He put on some music and hopped on his bed, the only place to sit in the apartment. He started saying how beautiful I was and then kissing me. I was taken aback by the speed at which he was taking things. I was wearing a skirt and he was started to grab my ass. I stopped him and said “we hardly know each other, let’s slow it down…”. He continued rubbing me on my thighs and kissing my neck, not caring about my apprehension. Soon he took his pants off, pulled out his huge (around 8 inch) dick and started stroking it. I was basically at a loss for words. I said I didn’t plan on doing this. It was clear how uncomfortable I was. He kept saying “look what you do to me” and rubbing his cock against my inner thighs. He pulled my panties out of the way and stuck his raw dick inside of me.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? After he entered me, I exclaimed that he needed a condom. He said he would be careful instead, and I did not agree. He continued fucking me. I told him I wasn’t on birth control. He just said he wouldn’t cum inside me and kept pumping. I felt violated while he did this, and I was angry that my objections had no effect on him. I was ashamed I couldn’t stop what was happening. I was even more ashamed when I realized how wet his cock was making me. He pulled out a couple times and stuck it in my mouth. I wasn’t enthusiastic when I was sucking on it. He pushed my head back and forth and kept asking me to spit on his dick. I refused multiple times. I wanted this whole situation to be over with. I wanted to go back home. After he got tired from fucking me really hard without my consent, he layed back and asked me to suck on him more. My vagina was burning and I felt awful, ashamed, and terrified I got an STD from him. Luckily, I did not. I asked him to take me home after he finally stopped. He asked me to spend the night and I refused. I felt more empty when I got home. I took a long hot shower and my pussy was very sore for about a day.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day he texted me and wanted to hang out again. I said I was busy. He would send me messages when he was drunk and say things like why do you hate me? Can I come over? I miss talking to you. I thought he was an immature asshole/sexual predator. I did run into him again when I was walking around campus with my friend. It was very awkward but he invited us to a party and my friend wanted to go so we did. He was surrounded by drunk girls throwing themselves at him. Guys were hitting on me as well, and he came over to scare them off. I basically told him not to be such an asshole and me and my friend left.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Withdrawal
What were your motives for this hookup? I was feeling lonely, I didn’t want it but was unable to stop it
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Not at all
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave a clear ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friends. I only told them it was bad. I didn’t tell them I said no multiple times.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? Because I didn’t give consent, he didn’t wear a condom, there was no emotional connection, he treated me like I was worthless but then wanted to act jealous in front of other guys.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? His body was at least nice to look at before we hooked up, but outer beauty can’t make up for inner ugliness.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The emptiness and hurt of being treated like an object once again.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. Before this happened I was open to casual sex and experimenting with new people, but now my distrust of strangers has intensified and I see casual sex as more risky and unsafe than I did before. There is definitely a healthy and consenting way to hook up with a stranger. That was just not my experience.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Make sure you have a friend that knows if you are going to meet someone from the internet. I sometimes wonder if the night could have gone differently- possibly much worse for me- if I had tried to physically resist instead of only using words. I thought it was better to suffer through it but I don’t want other people to think that this is the only option. Having a loved one or friend know where I was and what situation I was in would have really helped me.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? When it comes to casual sex, there is a lot of gray areas when it comes to consent and safety. I want people to realize that one moment or hour or day of pleasure is not risking your physical health and safety. Make sure you are hooking up with someone you trust enough not to rape you. Make sure you have a way to get help. Make sure you have protection with you. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you like and what you don’t like.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s very positive. I like anything that educates people about safe sex.
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