What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 62
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Belgium
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Between jobs and related
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Church tourist + link with humanists
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Unsure / Questioning
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Link with LGBT community
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? No idea. I think more than thirty.
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 1
No Exit After Brexit
How long ago did this hookup happen? After we arrived in my apartment exactly the length of one classic sex party.
What was your relationship status at the time? I must have been in a lesbian relationship without much action. The time before her death she said among others that she wanted a man and a family. And she started her lesbian life also on her thirteenth, a relationship that has been pedophile during some years.
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He looked as many English or American scientists, dark fair-haired and pale skin. I mean someone who didn’t tan easily as I myself. They can have a beard or not. This one was shaved if I remember well. He also wore glasses. He had about my age and wore ordinary clothes, not sportive or no jeans or other cool stuff. By my first visit to their country when I was eighteen I was very surprised that it just clicked with those guys.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I met him in a pub in town. On a certain moment, I was aware that the guy a couple of meters further at the counter was an English. While I was wondering if he wanted, he asked me if I wanted. I answered “yes” and we walked to my apartment on more than two kilometers.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He only fucked one time in the classical position. I don’t remember if we kissed. I think we did because I didn’t feel short on that point now. We talked about ordinary things without becoming indiscreet because afterward, I couldn’t search contact back with him. I hoped we would have a coffee together or chat a little bit, but I didn’t do any pain to stand up and insist that he would stay a little while (suppose that would just have been senseless?). I just leaned on my elbow watching him. He dressed and then walked in direction of the door, looking at me over his shoulder and started running to the front door and downstairs.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? For a couple of months I thought he would come back one day but then I realized that he had just “used” me. Now about thirty years later I think if I wouldn’t find him back in a particular place and I also wonder if I haven’t seen him there yet a couple of years ago. At that moment I thought by myself: that can be him but I’m completely indifferent to it at this moment. I don’t understand what I did wrong, or if he didn’t feel alright in my bed. He didn’t ask me anything to do with him related to sex. Maybe he only looked for free sex to get rid of his sperm and wanted to save his money. Also, I don’t understand why he did the pain to join me all the way to my home for not much more than five minutes of sex.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, I don’t know if my partner was on any (other) method, Probably we used a condom as I had started to use that since ’84.
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Making new friends, In England, I feel like an ordinary hetero. That gives a great feeling and also would make life a lot simpler. I thought I had found a boyfriend.
How intoxicated were you? A small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? I don’t remember if I drank a coffee or a beer. For the rest, I had to take pills for depression and more psychiatric diseases but I didn’t take them always.
How intoxicated was your partner? A small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? I don’t remember exactly what he was drinking. I suppose it was no 40° degrees alcoholics.
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? He put me the question.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Many years later to a school girlfriend who was a Germanist.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Other
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I had an English in my bed.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That he didn’t come back. But I understand that. I often used males to get free lodgment and then also I never note down their address for the next time.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Since that period I started wondering if there is something in my sexual behavior that I can’t compete with the English females. Of course, I can’t converse very fluently if I can converse at all even in my mother tongue.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex is just trouble I find. About this hookup, I can still wonder how to become a better sex partner but then for some more times. For the rest, it is only frustrating and it makes me furious when it happens again. I don’t understand how people can make a commerce of it and what the sense is of dating sites and how people can give their money for being thrown away in the gutter.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s nice that this kind of sites exist where you can get rid of all your frustrations about being sexually used. It’s less harmful than a psychiatrist also.
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