What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 55
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? NYC
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Writer
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 10
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 1
Nurse Hot & Flaky
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 year
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? A 26 year old male nurse, very pretty male-model face although a few acne scars. Thin muscular body, beautiful head of thick hair like a young Bob Dylan. I met him through OKCupid. I thought he was cute but a little bit flakey. But he was smart and funny so I was willing to overlook the flakiness. But I hadn’t had sex since my last LTR ended nine years before and I was sick of celibacy.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We went out for drinks and then after flirting back and forth via OKCupid I invited him to my apartment. It was on a Sunday.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He came over, we chatted very little, did not kiss. We went to my bedroom, I started to give him a massage, he sucked my breasts, then I jumped on him (w/condom) and I was surprised at how painful it was, but I was 54 and had not had sex for 9 years so I guess I should have known – but this isn’t something anybody tells you. I had done fine myself for 9 years by masturbating but only inserted tampons into my vagina. Anyway I would be damned if I let him out of the bed without having vaginal intercourse, so after a couple of minutes of trying to get it in without too much pain, we had sex for a few minutes and he came, and that was it. I had some spotty bleeding afterwards.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We went out and had something to eat and in the middle of the meal he called an Uber and left. Luckily Dr. Hottie had contacted me via email right during the email so I didn’t feel too bad to see Nurse Hottie go. We stayed in contact for six months – we were friends on Facebook – and he invited me over around Christmas time, and after I took a 45-minute subway ride to get to his place, he acted flakey and told me to leave almost right away. I was furious and blocked him of Facebook and sent him one last text message telling him he should get help for his flakiness.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, To end nine years of celibacy.
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My therapist. She congratulated me for finally getting laid after talking to her about it during our therapy sessions for two years.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I finally got laid after 9 years. And I had such a crush on a beautiful 36-year-old man I worked with and was so sexually frustrated because of that, but I couldn’t have him because he was already taken, as all the worthwhile men invariable are, and I just had to get laid somehow.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It unexpectedly hurt and caused post-coital bleeding. And it was only one time and the guy was kind of a creep.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No, I never really desired casual sex, and almost all my sex has been in relationships, but since my last relationship ten years ago, it has been impossible to find a desirable man who wants to have a relationship with me.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I could have casual sex with a different 20-something man every night of the week, if I wanted. As the saying goes: dick is abundant and low-value. I can’t understand how anybody can enjoy impersonal sex. I only have casual sex because it’s the only kind of sex I can get. The thought that I might never have a romantic relationship ever again and the only kind of sex I will ever get is dehumanized, affection-free casual sex fills me with despair.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I’m glad you’re studying it. I think you should look at the possibility that dehumanized sex has become normalized due to so many men wanting it, men being the standard for humanity. And you should look at why so many men are basically sociopaths who don’t want any kind of emotional connection with the people they have sex with.
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