What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? Southeast Asian
What continent do you live on? Australia
What country and/or city do you live in? Melbourne
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
One night stand with a good friend
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 month ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’ve had 3 sexual partners in under 7 months. The first guy was average height, lean and skinny build, Caucasian but looks somewhat Hispanic, sharp facial features, and yes we hooked up before we had sex, twice. We met at work, after one shift working together we clicked immediately and he was new to my city and I guess wanted to make friends but we were both physically attracted to one another and we got along . I thought he was a cool dude, good looking, funny, a little dark.
The second partner was a bartender at a club I’ve been to several times. This club is popular amongst Asians.. and though I am Asian, I am not into Asians. So immediately, I spotted out the cute caucasian bartender and told my best friend how cute he was. She being her drunk and talkative self with no filter goes up to the bar and tells screams at him “MY FRIEND THINKS YOU’RE CUTE!!!”, he looks at me and gives me a wink and a nod in one smooth action. I gave him a smile, and throughout the night we made eye contact and I finally went up and said hey. At the end before the club closed, I got his Facebook and we were officially Facebook friends. So, I thought he was cute, really white kinda caucasian dude, looking cool behind the bar, knowing what he’s pouring with a cap worn reversed, eyes like Cam Gigandet… oh yeah, that look gets me.
Now the third guy is actually now one of my good friends. Although we started out knowing each other through other mutual good friends, and he was interested in me at first and I thought he was a total hunk. Six foot nine, English background, a little bit of an English Aussie accent, blonde hair, golden brown skin, blue eyes, fit body… But I let the opportunity pass when we were both in a club, getting a little close and he clearly wanting have a make out sesh. I had already made out with another one of the guys in the same group so I didn’t want to stir the pot. I also didn’t really know him too well then and my first impressions of him were that although he was a real hunk, he was also a little cocky and dismissive. But not that night.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The first guy, we hung out a few times, unofficial dates and then I went to his place one night and we watched movies and ended up making out. We went a little further but no sex although he wanted to really bad, but I was a virgin and I was keeping it that way until I met someone I actually was in a relationship with… or so I thought. We kept seeing each other, he kept pursuing me… for friendship, and sex. And what do you know, two months or so later, we’re in bed and he’s got me good. All the hook ups (everything but sex) that I’ve had kind of numbed me to the idea of waiting to I am in a proper relationship… I kinda thought who cares anymore? Lets get this over with. So I let it happen. It definitely wasn’t planned. There was a second time too that wasn’t planned but drunk me again decided “let’s do it again”.
The second guy, the bartender.. a few months after meeting him, I found myself back at the club, watching him bartend, more cheeky eye contact, except that I was super drunk and horny. I went up to him a few times and pecked him. At the end of the night, the club was closing and I waited for him to close the bar, we got in an uber back to his place and there ya go. Drunk me making decisions.
The third guy, big ole 6’9 tree he is, we got really close after a few festivals together and texting back and forth just as friends. After a festival a month ago, a group of us went back to his to stay, we were already touchy as it is, and we knew we were physically attracted to one another. We both knew we were hot for each other, it kinda just happened. I slept in his room, on his bed even though he said there was space in his lounge room on the couches but nope, his room was where I decided to sleep. We cuddled up, watching a movie and the next thing you know.. we are having sex. He instigated it as I didn’t want to since we both didn’t have any form of contraception but again, risk taker me just went for it in the end. So on all three occasions no planning was involved.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We did everything before sex. All the foreplay, he was great down there and to be honest, he licked me out so good that the sex was nowhere near as pleasurable. Firstly, it was my first time and although he went slow, it hurt, he had a big one. He was being real nice and he was totally leading me through it in a gentle and understanding way. I wouldn’t say he’s a good lover but he took care of it. Not the second time though, as I was really drunk and he didn’t seem to care the second time. I felt a little weird that after all that waiting, it’s gone. Just like that. But I didn’t feel much different since I’ve been pleasured before just not through penetration.. He was kind of an asshole the second time we slept together. It felt like it was pure sex and zero emotion so I felt a little confused even though I had no feelings towards him after… I guess in my head, sex is an intimate thing you do with someone whom you love and who loves you back just the same. So when it happened it was just a little weird thinking back. We were both so detached. Too detached. But it’s all good now. We are still friends and even though it hasn’t happened again and I don’t plan on it happening again… He seems to be trying to re-date me for some reason.
The second guy had a smaller dick and at this point, my vagina has gone through it plus I was drunk so, it didn’t hurt, it felt pretty good and we fucked like 4-5 times in an hour or something. Being drunk distorts time and perception but I’m 90% sure that’s what happened. We did it missionary, we did it doggy style, it was totally just sex. We cuddled after and dozed off. We got to know each other better and again, not a great lover since we were literally just there for sex and no emotional connection. We never talked ever again except last week, I was at the club he bartends and we made some small talk and we pecked and “see you later” and that was that.
The third and I’m betting on him to be the last guy, was also more intense. Firstly he’s a big dude, but to be honest, penis size was average, I could handle it. We started off spooning, and that was what I imagined it would be and maybe a little foreplay action but thats it. He had other plans… but it is also my fault for stripping and wearing only a singlet and underwear… anyway, he was softly stroking my back and then my legs and then on my vagina and then slipping his fingers in my vagina.. yep, all while Pineapple Express was playing in front of us. Before you know it, we’re questioning where’s the condom, oh no there’s none, who cares just put it in, hear him saying “I won’t cum in you” and me going “you better not” and there you have it. He held it all in. It felt a little dry, it was a good hurt, I didn’t bleed nor did it hurt the next day, he was really giving it to me. We were going at it for a good while, we were both a little high and coming down from MDMA. I don’t even remember at which point we just stopped, cuddled and dozed off into the morning. And then we did it again in the morning. It was good sex. Again, not a great lover but better than the first two I’d say. We hung out the whole of the next day with our other friends too but we were the ones acting a little too close but we are just friends. We just tallked about our relationship/sex history etc. Literally no feelings involved with all three partners.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I am still friends with first and third guy, possibly still may have some attraction but would never go there again sorta thing.
The bartender guy was really just a one night stand, never really knew him, don’t really want to, totally different lives, no close mutual connections.. I’ll say hi to him if I see him but that’s it.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish, MDMA, ecstasy, molly
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A few of my best friends, surprised but somewhat expectant that it was gonna happen sooner or later.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? – For all three, I could’ve lost my v card to what I originally planned or had thought in my head – to someone I was in a relationship with (long term) or knowing the other person truly loves me and I truly loved them.
– I don’t know why I let it happen again with two more other guys but I guess I was horny and my superego was no match for my id.
– The third guy, 6’9 hunk might be a regret later on as I feel like he doesn’t see me as a good friend any more and more like someone he fucked and now he doesn’t know how to treat me. I’m not sure yet.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Sexually pleasing is all I can say.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Changes and side effects to my body… First and second time I bled. AND the first time, even though he wore a condom, no one, not even himself, advised me to wash my vagina after sex or pee after… so I got a UTI and was sooooo annoyed and it was simply annoying and I thought to myself I’ll never have sex again if it’s gonna make me go through that!
The second guy, we used a condom the first time and the next 4 times we didn’t care. The next morning I took the morning after pill which caused me $30. Totally unnecessary in terms of we could’ve used condoms, stop after one round etc.
The third guy, a week later… I got thrush. Yep, lots of friction was happening. It just caused me my time, going to the doctors, the idiot doctor then referring me to a dermatologist thinking it was warts then dermatologist telling me to go to the sexual health centre, going there and having to wait for 2-3 hours and finally getting checked out for thrush and then having to purchase a pill and cream… not ideal for a student wanting to save money.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Sex isn’t worth all the changes to my body and effects of not taking contraception or otherwise. I’m totally over it, I’m not saying I won’t get horny and crave it but I will try my best to avoid sex as I don’t see it as a need in my life and I don’t really crave it either, I’ll wait for myself to be in a proper relationship. I’m still heterosexual but just realising that I’m gonna keep my vagina nice and clean for the man I want to marry.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I would like to see people not throwing their v-cards just like I did. Especially younger girls and boys… I’m not sure if it has done any damage to me psychologically/emotionally/mentally but by right, it should… if I wasn’t already so fucked in the way I think about relationships and commitment I would probably be in tears. But the truth is, no one cares anymore these days do they? No one cares in the 21st century. All we want is sex sex sex, but for me.. No, I hope to see future generations saving their bodies and minds for the one they are going to commit to. Sex is some thing God has made, it is sacred and our bodies are His temple, sacred and holy and I can’t believe I just threw that away just like that, just like the ways of the world, just like everyone else. At first I was scared to tell people I was a virgin, then I was proud to be a virgin because I saw that people all around me were not, but now I am just like everyone else.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it might be a great way to empower people about sex and our bodies.
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