What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 43
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? US
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Homemaker
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
One Night Stand with Older, Married Man
How long ago did this hookup happen? 20 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I was at a bar in Bellevue with my older sister; I had just graduated from college and we were celebrating – I was out visiting her for a few weeks. We met these two guys – just strangers – who started buying us drinks. They were both in their mid-30’s and I was just 23, so I just thought it was just fun, drinking buddies at first more than anything else. He was handsome, with blue eyes and was wearing a suit – totally not like any of my college boyfriends. I had noticed he was married but I had already been drinking a lot by that time, so I didn’t think much of it.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He kissed me at the bar, and at first, I was surprised, but we just kept drinking and talking. He was older and married so it was just novel, bad girl fun at first… I had just gotten a new small sun tattoo on my lower back, he asked to see it and kept telling me how sexy it was – it actually felt great to get that type of attention from an older, good-looking guy. I had never been with someone older or married before.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We got back to his hotel room, and things speed up fast, heavy passionate kissing, he undressed me quickly and went to his travel bag where he had condoms. He turned me around, bent me over and just started taking me hard from behind – I think he had been drinking so much he couldn’t cum right away so he started just getting rougher and faster – then he pulled out and started trying to push into my ass, I told him no – so he went back in me and started fucking me as hard as he could and finally came loudly – I had already cum once, but came on him again – it was a long, hard orgasm and very, very good sex for me – at least at that moment. In the morning he initiated again, I felt awkward, but I guess I felt that I just had to, so he turned me over in bed and fucked me from behind again. I came again, but it felt a bit strange in the light of day – but still good sex.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? There was no future, he was a traveling business person from I think Omaha, and I was from New York there visiting. Probably some shame the next day, but it was a one-time thing – I generally just don’t think about it at all anymore.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Intoxication, I was feeling lonely, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told no one until I shared it accidentally several years later when I had too much to drink with my husband. I would never have told him otherwise. It became an issue in our relationship that actually took a few years to resolve.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? It was exciting and fun at the time, but I’m not proud of it being on my resume. I think my husband’s reaction to it years later was really, really difficult for him.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was exhilarating, I came long and hard during the sex.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Just the empty feeling after, he gave me his business card and said ‘thanks, let’s keep in touch.’ Being 22 or 23 at the time it just felt weird and transnational at the end. I don’t really like to think about it much.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, I wouldn’t be with another married guy, I had never done that before.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’ve done it a few times, but generally never as one-night stands – I guess I can consider it a learning process growing up.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Interesting – it feels good to vent about it – I can’t really tell anyone.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!