What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 26
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
One Night Stand With Over-Confident Partner
How long ago did this hookup happen? 8 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He had dark hair and almond-shaped eyes. He was born in Central Asia but had moved to Europe as a child. I found him very interesting and attractive when I first met him. He seemed very open, warm-hearted, passionate and caring. He was older than me, I was 18, he was 25.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I had met him at a party where I didn’t really get the chance to talk to him, but he seemed interesting. I ran into him again at a bar about two weeks later (the town we lived in was not that big, so that was unexpected but not surprising). We had a drink together and got along really well. He wanted me to go to his place but I said no since that would have gone a bit too fast for me. We exchanged numbers though and I got a text the next morning in which he invited me to his place that very day to watch a movie. So I did. I was a bit naive. I thought we would really be watching that movie. When I saw him again at his place he did not seem that fascinating anymore, I don’t know why. We did start watching the movie sitting on his bed and he told me about his ex-girlfriend and how he had been the first guy to make her come. He was very proud of that and keen on making the same thing happen to me. During the movie, he started trying to hook up pretty much immediately, which was way too fast for me. I felt uneasy but I did not know how to react since I had been interested beforehand but was confused that my interest in him had sort of vanished. Also, I did not know how to react to how intensely he was trying to make something happen.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We were lying on his bed (there was no couch or anything, his place was quite small) and since I was kind of uncomfortable I laid down on my belly in order to seem absorbed by the movie. He took this as an invitation to massage my back and then he started sliding up and down my back and breathing heavily as he was doing so. It was strange and a bit ridiculous, I think he wanted to seem intense and turned on. I kind of let it happen and we started making out. He had bad breath and I was really confused because I was turned on by the idea of having sex, just not with him. He noticed my hesitation and told me to abandon myself. We went on making out, he then put on a condom and stuck his dick in my mouth which I did not feel comfortable with, but I did not say anything. He then penetrated me (missionary). I don’t remember that part too well, I just remember that he then took me from behind as if to dominate me in a way. I was kind of bored but trying to enjoy it. He then finished, but still wanted me to come in order to feel like the stud he had presented himself as. He started rubbing my clit way too hard, it was not a turn on at all. He got kind of frustrated because I would not come and gave my clit a little slap (not a hard one) as if it were a machine that was not working properly. By that point I found him to be a real macho. Then he gave up and I was ironically almost glad not to have come – I did not want to give him that satisfaction.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He wanted to cuddle, which was weird. We did, but I remember just wanting to leave, to be somewhere far away. There was no real connection and I did not understand how he could not feel that. Then I went home feeling weird and disconnected from myself. He contacted me again, expecting us to keep hooking up, but I said I was not interested in seeing him again and he was confused as to why I was ending our “affair” as he called it. I never replied.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? To my friends. A friend of mine had seen him at the party and found him attractive too. She was very surprised at his behavior and lack of sensitivity with regards to the way I felt.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? It was unnecessary and I did not feel comfortable. I felt very disconnected from myself for some time after that. I was very angry at myself because I had let it happen, but in the situation, I just did not know what to do. I thought I wanted it but clearly, I did not and he sensed something was off but kept going anyway, since he was incapable of imagining that someone might not want to sleep with him.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The guy was so overly confident and certain to be a stud and said such outrageous things that it makes for a good story.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That I just went along with it even though I was confused and uncomfortable and that the guy turned out to be a macho even though he seemed really nice and sensitive at first, like someone who takes care of other people. But he obviously just wanted to feel good about himself and wanted me to confirm how great he was in bed. He did not really care about me, even though he might have thought he did.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I just realized that I need to know the person I hook up with, at least a little bit because I do not want to experience any more surprises of this kind. From then on I was more careful and my experiences were a lot better. This one was definitely the worst.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? It was bad but it taught me how very confident some men are without there being any reason for it and that I need to take care of myself first and foremost since some people just take what they want without realizing what they are doing and how the other person feels.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think one needs a certain degree of maturity and experience in order to be able to handle the fact that one does not know how the other person might behave in bed. I have also had good experiences with that, so I do not condemn it at all.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Good idea.
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