What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 31
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? France
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your occupation? Teacher
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Gay/lesbian
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 30
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
The One Night Stand That Wouldn’t Die
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2
What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? A guy I was beginning to get to know. A little taller than me, brown hair, glasses. A little chunky. It was the first time we’d hooked up, having met a few days previous. We met online first, then face to face at a café before meeting again at a bar which led to taking things further. I felt romantically interested – like this could be a step in something bigger.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I had accompanied him back to his apartment, ostensibly for coffee. It wasn’t planned, but I think we both expected it. He instigated it.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Kissing led to touching, oral sex, mutual masturbation to orgasm. I felt pretty good during it, however he seemed to be a somewhat selfish lover. We didn’t really talk, and it ended once we had both had an orgasm.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I slept over, and the next day I went straight to work. Then he kept on texting and calling me, and although it was the only time we had sex, it was difficult to shake him off. He turned out to be a profoundly negative and life-denying person, who seemed to be fixated on me as if we were the only two anglophones in a city of considerable size. We’re still in touch, against my better judgement. It’s a testament to what a man will do for a warm body to lay next to.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, Making new friends, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A couple of friends. They had no strong reactions, as they know of my sexual habits. However, once the clingy behaviour started, they sympathised.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? As aforementioned, it led to a stronger connection to a person who I’d rather not be connected to.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I came.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Everything afterwards.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It certainly made me think less that people with whom I have one thing in common will be a good sexual experience.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think that it is a personal choice about how to behave, and one’s own feelings should be the ONLY source of judgement. In my life, it has helped me to explore my own sexuality, what I do and don’t like, as well as gain confidence in myself, allowing me to see myself as an attractive and desirable person, reconciling that with serious self esteem issues.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? A great initiative!
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!