by Anne

Gender: Female
Age: 24
Race/ethnicity: White
Current location: London
Highest education received: High school diploma
Occupation: Assistant restaurant manager
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? A little
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

On/Off Deal with a Colleague

How long ago did this hookup happen? 8 months ago

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Colleagues with benefits?

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him when I started a new job about 2 months before. He is very good-looking, quite skinny (I hate over-muscled men) and a few inches taller than me. I knew he liked me (he’d given me his number) but I had a boyfriend at the time, so I didn’t consider texting him and didn’t think about him at all because I would never cheat in a relationship.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? When my boyfriend and I broke up (because of his cheating), I got in contact with this guy and let him know that I was single. It’s not the sort of thing I would ever normally do and I was very nervous. I as a rule I am a very private person and don’t make friends easily, but I knew that I would have to get over my shyness sometime. He invited me out for drinks a few times over about a month and I didn’t think I would end up sleeping with him because I have always been against casual sex, having had a very bad one-night stand once before. We got on really well and turned out to have loads in common, so after our fourth date, I agreed to go back to his flat with him. I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous in my whole life. I had been with my ex since I was 15 and felt very inexperienced. Sex with my ex was always because he wanted it, not me, and with the emotional block of his cheating on my mind, it was difficult not to feel abused sometimes. I had begun to feel that there was something wrong with me and that I was incapable of feeling sexual desire.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I was shy to start with, and didn’t know what to say to him once I was in his room, and I was embarrassed because we both knew what was going to happen, but he started kissing me and I realised that I wanted sex more than I had done in years. There had been a lot of tension between us, and we’d kissed before, but I’d held back from sleeping with him until now even though he’d asked me to, because I wanted him to respect me. The fact that we had both wanted it for a long time meant that we were really turned on. I’d recently lost a lot of weight and felt great about my body. We undressed each other and we both performed oral and then he got on top and entered me. He didn’t hold back and was pretty rough with me and it felt amazing, knowing that he was as into it as I was. He didn’t try anything dirty to start with, but I encouraged him, biting his lip and then he started saying that he was going to punish me and gave me a couple of sharp bites on my bum, which made me scream and left me with bruises for a few days. I’d never done anything like that before, but I liked the fact that he’d left his mark on me. We were play fighting for a long time, and had sex in several positions, including with him behind me, and we ended with him on top. He started thrusting very fast and I was on the point of coming. He said ‘now’ and I wondered how he could have known until I realised he meant himself, and we orgasmed at pretty much the same time.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? I have been on the pill since I was a teenager and we also used a condom that first time, although since then we have stopped using them. We didn’t talk about it really (too embarrassing).

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I have always said that I didn’t want sex with anyone outside a relationship, and had quite strong feelings about it, having been brought up by religious parents, and also having felt a lot of jealousy over my ex’s other partners. Since we broke up, I have learned to take sex less seriously, but I still would never have done it if I didn’t have very strong feelings for the guy. The decision was very much based on my desire in the moment.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We had been for a few drinks beforehand but neither of us were very drunk.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We cuddled and fell asleep together, and the next day we got lunch at a restaurant near his flat before I went home. I felt really happy because I’d had such a great time, but I didn’t expect him to want a relationship. The general impression I get is that men would almost always prefer casual sex to a relationship if they can get away with it, and I wasn’t in a hurry to get into another relationship so soon after a break up either. I was surprised when he asked to see me again, but pleased because I really liked him. Since then we have hooked up around 10 times, but I wouldn’t class it as a relationship because we haven’t introduced one another to friends etc and sometimes I will go up to a month without hearing from him. I’d be lying if I said I’m not in love with him, but I haven’t told him that and I don’t intend to. I’m relatively happy with the way things are, although I do feel lonely sometimes, but I think the sex is better because we don’t see each other very often, and I think if he got to know me better, he wouldn’t like me so much. I’m quite happy being single at the moment, but I hope that if I do get into a relationship at some point, it might be with him.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I haven’t told anyone at work, and I’m not sure how many people he’s told, so it’s a bit awkward sometimes not knowing who knows and who doesn’t. When we meet at work, we act like we don’t know each other, because I don’t want it to interfere with my job if things go badly. I can’t tell my friends because they’re all friends with my ex, and I can’t tell me family because they’re religious and believe that sex before marriage is wrong. It feels pretty lonely sometimes, not having anyone to talk to about it.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes definitely

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Not at all. Sometimes I think if I’d made him wait a bit longer, I’d have more control over the situation, but given the chance, I’d probably do exactly the same thing again.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The sex was amazing, and he has a great attitude towards life- he’s made me take things a bit less seriously, which has made me a better person I think. The worst thing is not knowing whether each time I see him will be the last. Sometimes when I don’t hear from him for ages, I begin to think that he’s found someone else, and that I’m wasting my time thinking about him, which I do a lot.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

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