What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 57
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: High school diploma
What’s your occupation? Housewife
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none
Opening My Marriage and I Hit The Jackpot
How long ago did this hookup happen? 10 days ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? A very handsome black man, athletic, energetic. He was a friend of a friend of my girlfriend. I had a few chance meetings with him when I was out with my girlfriend. I liked talking with him as my friend was interested in his friend.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? My bestie took me to her work Christmas party. The guys were there and we sat around, had a few drinks talked. It was long before we found ourselves alone as the other two had slipped off. At first we joked about what they were up to, but our conversation soon became about the both of us. It was an easy transition as he was a brilliant communicator, and made feel so comfortable talking with him.
Now let me explain that while I love my husband dearly, we’ve been married for 40 years, our sex life hasn’t been all that great the past few years. Not in a bad way, he said that maybe I should experiment, I honestly at the time didn’t think that I could do it. I guess it was mostly because I thought it would be a hassle to find a partner, not that I am unattractive but it had been so long since I’d been dating and those were not so pleasant memories.
This wasn’t what I had imagined, being with this man felt so good, refreshing and stimulating. So when it seemed obvious our friends weren’t coming back any time soon, he offered to take me home as neither one of us knew anyone at the party.
I told him that I wanted to leave but I wasn’t ready to go home and would he mind keeping me company. He told me that he’d be happy to and what did I have in mind. I summoned up all my courage, as I was a bit afraid of rejection but as flirty as I could manage told him that I wouldn’t mind have a few drinks and dancing somewhere and if that wasn’t available maybe we could get a room somewhere.
There I said it and was waiting to be disappointed, but the smile he gave me and the sweetness of his voice when he told me he’d be glad to. Then he took me by the hand and led me to his car, while he was opening the door for me, he said that he was new in town and didn’t know any place to go so would I mind if we skipped the dancing and just find a room. We both had a chuckle, a warm embrace, the first of many kisses and off we went.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We did a lot of kissing and caressing even before we undressed. I explored every inch of his body and he did mine. It was so exciting. Once we got in bed we started with mutual oral. I don’t want to stereotype him but he was very well endowed and thankfully was a skilled and patient lover.
Sex, I should say lovemaking with him was out of this world. I haven’t had an orgasm without using a vibrator in such a long time, I had so many with him that they blurred and ran together.
we cuddle after and talked. We both understood that this wasn’t going anywhere but we enjoyed it.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I got home the next day, my husband had left for work before I went out and wasn’t going to be home for a few days so it wasn’t like I had to sneak in.
My mind was just a tumult of thoughts.
It wasn’t like I was going to leave my husband but what if anything was I going to tell him.
I know that he is going through some rough times in his relationship, I really treasure the time that I spent with him and would not mind seeing him again but I don’t know if I am prepared mentally or emotionally to have a long affair.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Sterilization
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My bestie called that afternoon and wanted to know what happened. I didn’t tell her anything, but I think she knows.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Besides the sex, it felt like I was a new person.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I’d like to say that I wish that I would have done it sooner, but I am still a bit confused about all of the feelings that it has created.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I think that am more confident. I do feel attractive.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I wanted to talk to my husband about this, but haven’t as a comment he made about friends of ours that I suspect of having an open marriage. He said that if we lived like that he rather not know what I was up to. He’d be glad to know that I was happy and discreet, he wouldn’t be the type to watch or get excited by talking about it. He thought it would bring out jealousy.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Maybe I was just lucky that my experience was so good.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I like it
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