What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 22
What’s your race/ethnicity? Black
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York City
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Hostess
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Spiritual. Little bit of everything.
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Unsure / Questioning
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? In flux
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 35+
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Opening Up (Wink Wink) at a Sex Party
How long ago did this hookup happen? Couple of months ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Group sex
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Young Puerto Rican construction worker, skinny black man with a LARGE penis, tall Jamaican music producer. Met all of them that night for the first time at this sex party (my first ever). I was nervous about hooking up, until the first hookup and then I was more than comfortable. Excited. Flattered. Energized. HELLA confident.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Group of 15 of us were sitting around chatting awkwardly, another hostess got things started by touching my boob and then taking my top off and sucking on my nipple (another first). Another girl joined in on the other boob. It loosened things up, more clothes came off of everyone. Technically planning was involved. The sex party was planned out by a lovely gal. It was the job of the hostesses to instigate sex.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The first hookup was with the young Hispanic man, my top and my pants were off, he sat on the bed and called me over. I sat on his lap. Not too much talking, mostly what I learned is “sex party small talk: “is this your first time” “what’s your name” “where are you from” “you’re gorgeous” “wanna move into the bedroom”. I stood between his legs as he sat on the bed and ran his fingers up my inner thigh and eventually slipped his fingers in my vagina. I felt his boner, we moved into the quieter bedroom. He laid on the bed and I did what I do best, gave him an incredible blow job. While sucking, another guy came behind me and asked if he could join in. My mouth full, I nodded yes. He fucked me hard from behind as people came into the room to watch. When he and I were both finished, another guy pulled me away (Hispanic guy looked sad). I sat on Jamaican guy’s lap, rode around a bit, then he laid down and we fucked with me on top. We ended up talking quite a lot afterward about his life, laughing and sharing. I thoroughly enjoyed every partner, but still too nervous to come. Jamaican guy was kinda stiff and unmoving.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Afterward, I was really excited about my hookups, or rather excited at how excited I was. The next day I felt amazing. I felt sexier. But definitely tired from the sex and from the staying up late (party ended at 1 am). After the party, the Puerto Rican guy walked me out, walked me to the train station, talked about his job, and I gave him my number so we could “go out sometime”. I had no desire to do this but felt it wouldn’t be harmful to be kind. He texted A LOT and I ignored him. I saw him at the next party a week later as I brushed past him hand in hand with a new partner. He grabbed touched my ass and I said hi and then he left the party.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Fertility awareness (days counting, temperature)
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel more confident, Material rewards (gifts, money, drinks, dinner…)
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? I don’t know
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I knew which friends I could tell and which I couldn’t. I told my more brash, drunk, hot mess friends (who I love deeply). They asked a lot of questions but seemed intrigued and excited and definitely not judgemental at all.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It felt amazing to be so wanted and admired. Like a goddess. Honestly, that was the biggest turn on. Sorry if that’s conceited. Actually not sorry.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Giving my number to that guy was a mistake. And a mistake I made at literally every next sex party. I feel so bad to be so emotionally cold after sex.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Oh hell yeah. I have learned soooo much about myself. What turns me on in bed, the positions I like best, who I’m attracted to, how to turn down sex.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I must add that an incentive for this sex party was that I was being paid $200 for hostessing. The first sex party was to see how I like it and how the main hostess liked me. But it also opened my eyes up to sex work and how much I am completely for it and comfortable with that exchange.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’m so glad this sex party came into my life when it did, when I was rethinking sex and its place in my life. I had an ex that was disappointed with my lower sex drive, it was good to know that I’m still a sexual person even if I wasn’t his exact libido match. I really want more of THIS, more sharing of stories and so much less shamefulness around casual sex.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I LOVE IT. It’s exactly what I’ve always wanted. I’m glad there’s a truly truly truly open space for this kind of storytelling and knowledge sharing. Some spaces pretend to be safe but are still close-minded and hurtful.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!