What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 22
What’s your race/ethnicity? East Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 14
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? One or two
Perfect Friends With Benefits
How long ago did this hookup happen? A year and a half ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met Jake on Tinder or Bumble. I thought he looked kind of cute. He was a somewhat tall Singaporean man with a charming smile and a swimmer’s body (he was on the swim team in high school). When I first met him, he took me to a coffee shop in Williamsburg and we talked about what we did for work. He was in IT and I was in recruiting, so there wasn’t that much to talk about, but we seemed to get along okay. He seemed like the type of person that I would think was too cool for me to talk to, so it was an interesting experience.
Later, I asked him why he was on dating apps, and he said, “Oh… friends, meeting people. I’m pretty open for anything.” I usually ask all my dates this questions because I like knowing what people want. I am also a pretty open person myself, so when he asked me the same question, I also said that it was mostly to meet and talk to new people that I usually don’t talk to, but I’m open for anything and will just go with the flow.
After an hour or two of talking in the beautiful coffee shop, he asked me if I wanted to check out this bar with him. I had my whole day free, so I said yes. I kept my distance when I walked with him, but that would soon change after a few drinks at the bar….
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? When we got to the bar, I got a gin and tonic and he got a beer. I wasn’t too sure what he wanted, or if he wanted to hook up at that time, so I took my time with my drink and watched him get two more glasses of beer. He noticed that I wasn’t really touching my drink so he asked me why. I told him that it was because I usually get really touchy and horny when I drink. To that, he replied, “Oh yeah, totally. Me too! Come over here and I’ll show you.”
That did it for me. It seemed like he was hinting to me that he wanted to do some things so I got a stronger drink (Jameson), gulped it down and was sufficiently horny and tipsy. After a long silence between us, my eyes met his and he asked me if I wanted to get away from this place. I said yes, and he got up. I also got up, but I stumbled a bit, so he caught my arm, and asked me if I was okay. He was really close, and I could feel his firm chest against me. I immediately got wet, shook him off and said that I was fine.
He paid for our drinks and then we left. When we left, he took my hand and started leading me to the subway station. He asked me if I wanted to see his apartment (it was still pretty early, around 9), so I said yes. While we were walking, I distinctly remembered him saying, “Damn I want to show you my apartment now. Not because I want to fuck you silly, but because it looks really nice.” I got really horny then and got really excited to see his apartment and also to fuck him.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When we left the train station and started walking to his apartment, he had to help me up, because I was really tipsy. When I got to his bed, he turned on his laptop and played some music (he had roommates), and then turned to me.
He got on the bed with me, making me back up on his huge king sized bed, and started kissing me. His arms and legs intertwined with mine, and I instinctively opened up to him. He kissed me, then moved down to my neck, pulled down my v-neck and bra to expose my nipples, and started biting them. Then as he moved to push my shirt up above my head, he undid my bra. At the same time, I took off his shirt and was working on his belt. He took my hand and forced me on his bed, and then undid his own jeans, pulled off my jeans, and I saw his hard dick in his hand. I was already so horny and wet, so I guided his hand towards my pussy. He stroked my clit a couple of times before putting on a condom and then inserting his dick into my wet, tight pussy. He fucked me missionary and kissed me a couple of times and bit my neck and tits, leaving me with a lot of hickies. He whispered in my ear, “Fuck, you’re so tight and wet.” As he fucked me, he also had my neck in his left hand, choking me, and held both of my hands down with his right hand. I was so turned on by his dominance and climaxed. Soon after, he also came and we cuddled for a while before I left at around 2/3AM.
I still live with my parents so I didn’t feel that comfortable staying over, but he said that if I wanted, I could stay over a night and we could have morning sex. I declined, but I said that I will keep in touch.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After our first hookup, we implicitly established a friends-with-benefits relationship and I would text him whenever I’m drunk/tipsy/horny/bored around his neighborhood. We would hook up two times after the first time, each time just as satisfying. Even though he could engage in the type of rough sex that I liked, he didn’t like it that much and would call the way I cuddle with him “struggle cuddling.” He wouldn’t really go for second rounds, which was annoying because I’m a really horny person. So I would sometimes try to get him up after the first round, but he always just pushed me away or kicked me out, haha.
In a way, I liked him a lot too and was somewhat interested in being in a more serious relationship with him. However, he also expressed that he was not looking for something long term, so I got pretty sad for a short bit. I got over it, however, since I started a monogamous relationship a few months after I met Jake, with another person.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one. It was a pretty vanilla experience.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Awesome sex, cute guy.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It’s been a year almost and I’m in a different monogamous, long-distance relationship, and I keep thinking about Jake. He had a magnetic, mysterious personality, and I wanted to learn more about him. I feel like I miss him, but I’m in a relationship with a very devoted partner and I feel guilty thinking about Jake. I wish I could forget about him, but it’s hard.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Know exactly what you want, and why you want it.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? If I’m ever single again, I would want to see him again.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s fun to read about people’s sexual exploits! Love it.
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