What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 37
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? South Germany
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Freelancer
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? +/- 20
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2009
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This hookup happened during the official opening of the Biennial of Contemporary Art in Venice. It was a warm summer day in June and together with some colleagues and friends I was attending the party of the Danish Pavilion in a former hangar somewhere at the Lido. It was kind of a boring event – collectors, museum people, and artists celebrating themselves. There was an outdoor dancefloor and I tried to party a little bit for myself cause my colleagues were uptight and my friend was on the prowl for some casual sex. I was dancing and bumped into a guy who looked very funny and drunk. He said hi, offered me a gulp out of his beer bottle and we started to kiss without any further words. I liked that kissing and also his kind of rudeness and behaviour in the middle of all the artsy people there, and it turned me on surprisingly fast (maybe alcohol played its part).
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We somehow landed at the edge of the dancefloor and started to make out a bit more intensely (when we were teens we used to call that heavy petting and it was always very thrilling with all clothes on and so on). He grabbed under my skirt and it was half arousing/half funny, because it was really not a dark corner but the bright barrier of the dancefloor and it was also not Berlin Berghain but this boring art event. And my colleagues and some other people I knew from my job were watching us.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We decided to move somewhere else but found no place that was not overcrowded with people. I don’t know how but eventually we found ourselves under a delivery van (!) and continued making out on the asphalt. At this point the fun factor started to overtake the sex factor. It got more and more inconvenient and when I saw my friend urinating next to the van it turned absurd and we started to laugh. The thrilling atmosphere was destroyed and we moved to a field next to the hangar where we started to talk and soon to kiss again. The dry-humping that followed turned me really, really on and feeling his dick under his jeans brought me to a really good and exciting orgasm. I’m very sensitive after an orgasm and don’t like further stimulation then (except vaginal sex but we had no condoms) so I gave him a hand-job. He was very aroused and I liked it very much to sit on him and have him in my grip. He had an orgasm too, said something like it was “the best hand-job ever” and our very unromantic hook-up ended with exchanging names and going back to our friends who were looking for us and a bit upset because they missed a vaporetto back to San Marco while waiting for us.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day it felt really good but more like a funny anecdote. I googled the name he gave me and found out that he was a DJ in Amsterdam. We became friends on facebook and he wrote me that he and his friends missed not only the boat back to San Marco but also their flight back to the Netherlands and had to drive back to Amsterdam (where he had to pkay a set the next evening) by car. From time to time I’m stalking him on facebook (he has a very attractive girlfriend now and really sympathetic parents) and when I see images of him I totally know what I was attracted to when I saw him the first time. It is less a sexual attraction than sympathy … and so was the sex in retrospective.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Intoxication, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told it to some of my friends. The part with us under the van and our common friend urinating next to it is still a funny anecdote between my best friend and me.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was funny and made the whole working trip a bit more of fun.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? There was nothing bad about it.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I felt a bit of insecure giving hand-jobs in closer relationships before this hookup. … knowing men are so routined in doing this for themselves and have their special techniques ; ) . But in that case there with the anonymity and no feelings and expectations involved it felt super natural and it gave me a really good feeling to see how I could turn him (someone) on this way.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I started to experience with casual sex when I was 18 or 19, after my first relationship broke up. It was and is a very important part of my sexual, emotional and mental emancipation. Now that I am a young mother in a momogamous relationship and currently not interested in having casual sex I still feed on the experiences I made.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I like it.
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