by Cara
Gender: Female

Age: 34
Race/ethnicity: White
Location: Europe
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
Occupation: Grad student
Religious affiliation: –
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

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Random Sex

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 weeks

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? A friend introduced us. I needed a place to crash for a couple of nights whilst in town. We had chatted over email about that, and became friends on Facebook, so had checked each other out a bit there… but since he was doing me a favour letting me stay and we hadn’t actually met, it was still a bit awkward to meet him at first.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I arrived early evening, so he made some dinner and we talked. In hindsight I guess there was a little ‘planning’ involved… I think we both knew from our exchange of emails that there was a little interest – he kind of went out of his way to be around when I arrived. I was tired from traveling, but the talking went on a long time…I didn’t really see this as going anywhere special at the time. As we were closing down our discussion and I was preparing the couch, he came over and hugged me. At some point when he didn’t let go, I realized/sort of had this exhausted thought of “oh, I guess I’ll have to kiss him now”… He is a lot taller and at first I avoided this, because I was blindingly tired by that point, and because it was a little abrupt. Anyway, we kissed and I decided to just make the best of it and I enjoyed it. Then he invited me up to his room, and again, supertired, I kind of didn’t really think it through that much. I sort of said, well ok, but I need to sleep so badly, so he said that was cool.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Ok, so of course, as soon as we got into bed, he wanted to move things along. I was so tired, and a little drunk, and I could barely move. I remember lying there and thinking, I am in bed with this guy I don’t even know, and I’m barely even conscious right now. What if he is some kind of axe-murderer? Anyway, I settled down, he didn’t turn out to be an axe-murderer, I made my mental notes about not ever being in a position to think that thought again. We ended up having sex the next morning. It was again a bit abrupt, a kind of “getting things done” kind of sex which happens when I don’t feel like there’s enough seduction involved. It was a bit paint by numbers. He did everything he could to get me to give him oral sex, but it felt a bit like box-ticking and because I wasn’t turned on enough in the end, I wasn’t really prepared to. I kind of feel like I need to be ‘in control’ to give oral sex if it’s someone I don’t have a lot of intimacy with,  and to be in control I need to be turned on. There wasn’t time for that.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? None. I usually use a condom every time, but he didn’t have any. I raised it, and he seemed to expect me to be on the pill, which I kind of thought was a bit old-school. He didn’t come inside me, but I went in for an afterpill anyway just for the peace of mind, and found out he gave me chlamydia.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? A shared bottle of wine.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? A shared bottle of wine.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt a series of things. At first, I felt a bit coerced into sex. Then we spent another day together, I was no longer too tired, and I tried to make things a little sexier and seductive – there was some really great making out, and this was better. But it still felt ultimately a bit automated from his side. He was nice enough but I think he couldn’t really find a level of sharing/reciprocity, and I am not sure how aware of that he even was.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to another friend of a friend the next day, who I had never met, and then to a friend back in my hometown, who I usually discuss sex with. The guy I spoke to first has a lot of casual sex, and tried to make me see it as a pleasant experience. But we discussed the need for seduction, and the need not to focus on coming, for really great sex. Even if it’s a casual hook up, it doesn’t need to feel like doing you’re laundry or fetching the mail. I’ve never really had such pragmatic matter-of-fact sex before, and ultimately of course, I didn’t really like it. It surprised me in both cases how easy it was to talk to people about this kind of thing – even sometimes people you don’t know so well. These conversations were actually in some sense sexier than the sex itself.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? For me it was consensual but not that enjoyable. I think he felt disappointed he didn’t get all that he wanted out of it, so probably it was the same for him.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I think I learnt a way of articulating what kind of sex I don’t like after the fact, but I’m not sure bad sex is worth it just for that. Maybe I could have just had those conversations. Still, there’s something about reflecting on a real experience.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I think I found out something about how to (not get into a situation when you’re too tired for it and) take more initiative. It changed the way I think about casual sex, because I think its actually a really good space in which to work out your language of sex, if you take the right precautions. Worst thing was the chlamydia!

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What did you think about this story? Tell us in the comments – just be nice!

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