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What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 68
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? United States
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Physician
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Highly Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 15
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None, this is the first one

Reluctant Threesome

How long ago did this hookup happen? 36 years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? Group sex

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My partner was a nurse where my wife and I worked. She was short and petite. I had known her for about 6 months to a year. I was attracted to her and we were involved in many difficult medical cases together. I felt she was very intelligent and competent. I had seen her at her home during a period when she was having marital problems with her husband and we were involved in heavy petting. I visited her at that time with my wifes knowledge and permission.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? My wife knew about her because we are the kinds of people who wear our hearts on our sleeve. The nurse came over to our home for dinner one night. We had a new hot tub and I was very much in a rebellious mood and fantasized about wild hot tub parties but my wife was not particularly interested in pursuing them. In any event I suggest we all get in the hot tub after dinner.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I went outside and got into the hot tub nude. I told my wife and the nurse that we were adults and should not be ashamed to get into a hot tub nude together. My wife said, “I’ve never taken my clothes off in front of a woman before”, but proceeded to undress and get in. For a while, there was conversation and light touching and at some point, the nurse started rubbing the lower part of my back over the spine and said, “this is what gay people do to help have an orgasm”. At that point, my wife said “we are taking this upstairs, let’s go” with no warning. We all got out and walked up the stairs to the bedroom and my wife said, “Do her first but you have to wear a condom”. So I put on a condom and started fucking the nurse in front of my wife and a couple of times we switched and I would take off the condom while fucking my wife and put on a new condom when I went back to the nurse. Both my wife and the nurse gave me oral and I had vaginal penetration with both of them but nothing else. At some point the nurse had a very intense orgasm and cried out “I love you” and that was pretty much the end of the session. To my knowledge neither my wife nor I had an orgasm, in fact, I felt I was too excited to have an orgasm.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I continued to work with the nurse. She came over one other time and my wife did not want to participate. She wanted to fuck with a diaphragm and no condom but it wasn’t a good fit so we went back to using a condom. I still do not recall having an orgasm and remember getting a severe headache and had to stop. When I went downstairs my wife was on the phone with our minister crying and telling him everything that had happened. At that point, I broke off any more personal or private contact with the nurse and she eventually moved. A year later she showed up at our house for a visit to have dinner with us and planned to spend the night. My wife seemed OK with it so after dinner, I again wanted to go to the hot tub but this time everyone had bathing suits on. After a few minutes, my wife said she was tired and was going to bed and said goodnight. The nurse and I talked and being highly heterosexual I started to seduce her and she was receptive. I penetrated her with her swimming suit on and started fucking her without a condom on. At that point, she told me she was on the pill and could not get pregnant and basically begged me to ejaculate into her. It was the strangest thing but I was overwhelmed and overcome by a feeling that ejaculating into this woman is the worst thing you could ever do in your life. It was a sixth sense. So I picked her up off of me and told her flat no. She got pissed off and went upstairs to the guest bedroom and went to sleep and I went to bed with my wife. The next morning she had already gotten up and left and we never heard or saw her again ever. I don’t even remember her full name anymore.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Years later my wife told me she did it because she knew I wasn’t monogamous and that by allowing the threesome with the nurse she hoped that I would “get it out of my system”. Fairly soon after it became clear that my wife was not into this kind of hookup.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? In the long run, the nurse, as well as my wife, were emotionally hurt. It took me probably my entire life to finally understand that nothing is worth doing for my pleasure or anyone else’s for that matter if in the end people are hurt. You can only do this kind of thing if everyone really wants to.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? They say the best sex is in the build-up and the fantasy was fantastic.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It was too exciting to have an orgasm and two people were hurt.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, I understand that everyone in these situations has to be singing from the same sheet of music.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Another downside was because my wife had seemed to give consent I took that to mean I had an open relationship with my wife where I was free to pursue relationships with other women as long as it was secret and no diseases were brought home so I had other affairs later.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex is fine as long as all parties fully and enthusiastically consent and I can see where it might even strengthen relationships and make them more exciting.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It is a good idea especially if it can help someone.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!