What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 55
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Australia
What country and/or city do you live in? Australia
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Researcher
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 15
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Sauna Sex

How long ago did this hookup happen? 20 years

What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This involved my girlfriend (now my wife) and a fellow post-grad student. I was quite good friends with the guy, who was from Scandinavia. He was tall and Nordic looking. A few years older than me. My girlfriend is tall with tiny tits and broad hips.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We had been at a Faculty party and a whole bunch of us shared a cab, which dropped people off along the way. My partner and I were the last ones in the cab, along with this guy. When we got to his house, he invited us in for a drink. We accepted. While we had a drink, he talked about saunas and then asked us if we wanted to join him in the sauna. I would say all this set up was planned by my friend, with my wife and I oblivious.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We got naked and went down to the sauna, which was beside a swimming pool. After a while, I needed a pee and went out into the garden beside the pool. From where I was peeing, I could see through a window into the sauna. My friend and my girlfriend were kissing. When I got back, they were sitting innocently side by side. Without saying anything, I took my girlfriend’s hand and placed it on my friend’s cock, which was semi erect. She played with his cock as they went back to kissing. When he was ready, he turned her on her side and penetrated her from behind. When he was ready to come, he withdrew and ejaculated over her thigh. I wanted to have sex with my girlfriend as well but I couldn’t get it up. He had sex with her again before we went home.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I wasn’t sure how I felt the next day; my girlfriend was pleased. We had a long chat about sex. During the conversation, I asked her if she had had sex with anyone else since we had been together. She confessed that she had recently been with another guy. A few months after this encounter, we went out with my friend and his wife and another couple. His wife was a lovely Scandinavian lady. At the end of the evening, after the other couple went home, we went to a hotel where I had sex with his wife while he had sex with my girlfriend. That night, she told me that she had been standing outside the sauna watching but had been too shy to come it. Sadly, they returned to their homeland not long after that. I regret that we did not make the most of their time in the country to have other encounters.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Not at all

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I have talked with my girlfriend/wife. I have posted a version of the story on a contact website.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I discovered that I like watching my girlfriend having sex with another guy. I also discovered how much she liked casual sex.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That it did not lead to more such encounters.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? This encounter started a shift in my thinking. I was surprised that I did not feel jealousy, only curiosity and horniness. I became more secure in my relationship with my girlfriend and came to prize her carefree attitude to sex. A few months after this, she had a short term (several months) sexual relationship with another guy (from another Scandinavian country) with my full consent. We even had a couple of threesomes with this other guy. Over the years, we have met couples through contact magazines and the web and been to swingers parties.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I like the idea of casual sex but I had not had enough. There are several reasons for this. I have always been fairly clueless when a woman is attracted to me and I tend to miss opportunities. Even when I do get the message, I am not really good at turning into action. I have often thought it was easier for my wife; no guy ever bails when he finds that she is not single but I have had that experience with women.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I like the idea very much.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!