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What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 34
What’s your race/ethnicity? Southeast Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Toronto
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Engineer
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (open)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Gay/lesbian
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 5
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Sex, tea and movies

How long ago did this hookup happen? Yesterday

What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (open)

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He is beautiful. A PhD student, very intellectual and in an odd way, unsure of himself like so many smart people are. He has a slender build, is a bit shorter than me, and has wavy hair cut short on the sides. I had hooked up with him once before.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I met up for dinner and to watch a movie. And no, it was not a ‘date night’, as I’m in a (long distance) relationship and he has relationship complications of this own. After the movie, I invited him over for tea – we started cuddling on the sofa and the rest is…history 🙂

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? My partner was rock hard throughout. Even when we were sitting on the sofa not doing anything, I could see him uncomfortably adjusting his hard-on. We started cuddling while watching TV, and then I just asked to come into my bedroom. We kissed, and he gently slid his hand into my shorts starting to squeeze and caress my ass. He worked from the ass cheeks down to the sensitive centre and started to gently probe it. At this point, we stripped, and he got on top of me pressing his penis between my legs. I really wanted him inside me, but we had established previously that he has not been tested recently (even though I always use a condom, I don’t want to risk it with guys who are not tested). This was a bit of a killjoy. But then we started fingering me – with me jerking him off. We both came.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We showered, then he came back to my bedroom – we cuddled and talked. It was almost romantic. Finally, it was time for him to leave. He did message me later saying he had a great time.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Discussed STI testing history, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Making new friends

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Talked about it with a friend. No reaction per se – it was nothing out of the ordinary for him.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The guy is very cute and very intelligent. We are (somewhat) sexually complementary.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I wish he got tested, so we can do anal (with a condom).

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not particularly

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex is complicated. Initially, I was terrified of STDs (despite taking all precautions). That fear has somewhat abated. I do believe a certain degree of intimacy is great for far, hence I have (almost) never done one night stands. Friends with Benefits is quite an interesting idea, and that’s what I have been experimenting with lately, but drawing the boundary between this and a relationship is nontrivial. How do you avoid having feelings for the guy? What do you do if you’re already in a relationship? No easy answers – in balance, I think its a good thing.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s great. Keep it running 🙂

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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