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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 42
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Santa Rosa
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Chef
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Buddhist
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Sex Without Falling In Love

How long ago did this hookup happen? A few weeks ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (open)

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He wasn’t anywhere near as attractive as me, but he had a kindness to him. I felt comfortable in part because I knew that I was way hotter than the kind of girls he probably has dated. He was shy. I made the first move and seduced him. He had kissed the nape of my neck and his light whispery whiskers tickled and felt so tingly and erotic. I wanted to know how he would feel kissing me everywhere, especially down there.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I went looking for a hookup on Tinder. Out of over 10,000 guys who swiped right on me in less than two months, I dated about seven, and chose to have sex with this one because I felt comfortable with him. He seemed like someone that I would be friends with. Planning was involved. We knew that we were going to have sex on our second date. We both wanted it. We both brought condoms.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We started by making out at the door. Then we moved to the couch. He wanted to stay on the couch, but I wanted him to take me to bed and fuck me good and hard the way I wanted it. So I asked him to take me to bed. I got naked and got in bed with him, then kissed him and stroked his body. I like exploring a person’s body with my mouth and fingers. I teased him to a state of ecstasy and then had him put a condom on and slide his cock into my pussy. I stroked my clit while he put on his condom. I don’t think he had ever been with such an uninhibited girl before. He just wanted to watch me masterbate. He was so distracted he could barely get his condom on. When he slid in, it felt so good for both of us. Penetration felt delicious! He came too soon for me to get off, which wasn’t a big deal to me, except he immediately jumped up “after sex” (meaning: after *he* came… but I was still going) and went to the bathroom to rinse off. ?? Okay. Awkward. I followed suit trying to be polite. When in Rome… I was a little disappointed. I had hoped he would go down on me, or finger me, or languidly explore my body with his mouth and fingers. But no. He wasn’t a good lover, but he might be able to be with practice. We went again that night. First time we did missionary position. -Meh. It’s safe.
Second time we did something that I like more…face down, ass up. He grabbed my hips and pulled me into his cock. I loved it ????! He even took one of his thumbs and applied pressure just at the opening to my sphincter, while grabbing a handful of ass and pounding me from behind. Yes!!!! He came too soon doing that too, but we both really enjoyed how it felt.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup we fell asleep. I had to leave early in the morning. We didn’t see each other or speak for a while. I think he was sad because he was still trying to process his divorce and I was the first person he has slept with since his wife. They had been together for 25 years. I felt bad for him and tried to be kind and understanding, while also giving him some space. I don’t have any expectations for the future with this guy. I hope we are friends…and I hope we have more sex. But I don’t think we’re going to be a couple.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device), Fertility awareness (days counting, temperature), Discussed STI testing history, I don’t know if my partner was on any (other) method

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, Power / Dominance, Submission / Relinquishing power, Making new friends, Everyone else was/is doing it, Peer pressure,

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friends and my romantic partner. They were for the most part really proud of me. Some people who don’t know me as well may have misunderstood what I was doing. I think some people think that I am a cheater (not true…my fiancee and I spoke about this and decided to give it a try and see if we can find a way to make it work, allowing me to stay with him AND have sex.) Or they think that I want to find a new boyfriend. -also not the case. I just want sex.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Learning to have sex for fun, without trying to form a romantic attachment. It was good for my psyche and confidence.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Not coming. ???? TWICE! And then the shower thing…it kinda felt weird. I get that I am not a “dirty little whore” and that he just had a little bit of a hang up and awkwardness to him. But still…

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Definitely! Casual sex can be really good and even restorative for a person. I’m looking forward to having it more in the future.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I’m a little afraid that he wants a girlfriend.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I hope women engage more in casual sex and do it in a way, where they are respected and getting their needs met. It’s really good for us.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Love it!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!