What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 36
What’s your race/ethnicity? East Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Seattle
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Sexual Athletics Turns Into A Near Heart Attack
How long ago did this hookup happen? Last night
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was 6’4″, swimmer’s build, pretty well-endowed (but not as huge as my three prior past lovers of his similar height), shaved body, green eyes, salt and pepper hair. To protect his identity, I’ll call him David 2 (the reason for the 2 will become apparent soon).
I was feeling adventurous and nostalgic about a past amazing lover who looked like a German Tom Brady, 6’5″, 210 lbs, with bluer eyes and blonder hair. To protect his identity I’ll call him David 1. He played the dominant role sexually but was super-easygoing, loving and romantic outside that context. He was trilingual (as am I) and brilliant, former military officer, top Ivy grad etc., etc. Yes, superman (Ubermensch) (even as I write this I am struck to realize how I describe him with much more detail than the actual guy that is the subject of the story — you’ll see later in the story that this is fitting).
Anyway, David 1 and I were in a much longer relationship. It’s something for another story. (It was very tumultuous because we had such intense passionate chemistry but I was married, had no interest in getting divorced, and he was single and wanted to be more).
Years later David 1 still keep in touch across coasts and continents. When we do, I think of the things we did together and it fires up crazy impulses. In the throes of this, I posted a little ad specifying what I was interested in. It was only up for two days, but I got nearly 800 replies.
I was so flooded (and honestly, who can really measure up to David 1?) that I barely read any of it. But one caught my eye because it was from a David with a Germanic last name. David 1, being German-American, had a German last name too. He was 6’4″, just an inch shy of David 1. And his facial structure looked somewhat like David 1 if you squinted and were very near-sighted. I replied to him.
We met for a coffee that lasted 5 hours just talking, until I had to go because it was 1 a.m. and I was too tired to keep my eyes open. After a lengthy email exchange, we took the plunge and decided to try jumping straight into sex where he would play with a dominant role.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I have this amazing memory of the first time David 1 and I had sex. He opened the door, grabbed me, picked me up and it was amazing and athletic (we were both yogis and athletes so flexible with a lot of endurance). So I basically told David 2 that it would be hot if he would open the door, grab me and we’d go. And to his credit, he did his best.
(No, of course I didn’t tell him I was replicating an amazing memory with another David)
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? David 2 grabbed me and kissed me deeply. He pushed me on the bed and proceeded to try hard-pounding me. Unfortunately, I was not very wet yet because my sexual psychology is hard-wired to be turned on by very specific things. The hottest thing is a man who vocally commands control and gives directions (kneel and suck my cock, bend over, spread your legs, I’m going to pound you, etc., etc.) and basically treats me like a rag doll to position, command and ravage. Without that specific command dynamic, I will go along and make the best of it, but even in the best of circumstances, I’m built like an east Asian and very tight. And if you don’t get the natural lubrication that comes with a very turned on woman, entry can be very tough!
David 2 tried with his cock and his fingers to get me to orgasm (I had told him earlier that oral sex from a guy does not turn me on because it’s the dominant dynamic that turns me on). I don’t usually physically orgasm, not even with David 1. What I love about sex is all mental – the adrenaline and the physical athletic challenge. I think it hurt our chemistry that I don’t orgasm.
David 2 is fundamentally is a good guy who likes to satisfy his partner and gets off on seeing her visually satisfied. Whereas, in the dominant dynamic that I enjoy, sex quite literally may be physically painful and push your limits, the way a really good hard workout does. When someone is doing crossfit, they do not look orgasmically blissed out. They look like they are pushing their muscles and endurance to the limit. The orgasmic experience is the rush after you’ve done it — and it’s all mental. So anyways, I think it ended up being perhaps not what either of us imagined.
David 2 tried hard to persist but his heart started racing and he had to rest. (I think it was probably also demoralizing to have a partner not come). The only person with whom I engaged in this super-satisfying intensely athletic sex was himself a top athlete and very muscular. I never realized and honestly took for granted that athleticism and how much energy it takes. David 2 had luckily survived a really scary and challenging health situation but it left effects. He had to stop and rehydrate. So we talked for hours again (and again it was really quite interesting). David 2 would make a fun cuddle buddy, it’s like snuggling up and listening to the radio full of interesting stories.
I was getting super sleepy, and I was worried about David because he had worked all night and only had 2 hours of sleep in 24 hours. I only had 4 hours of sleep in 24 hours due to work too. (I guess the one thing both of us are intense in is work!) I thought about heading out but cuddled for a bit.
To his credit, David tried again, going really hard. At this point neither of us had eaten dinner and it was nearly 1 a.m. He was really driving in and we were actually fitting together but suddenly he stopped, clutched his heart, which was racing, and had to rush to the bathroom. I felt terrible for him, and worried for his health, especially after learning about his surviving his near-death experience. He was light-headed and had other scary sensations that were reminiscent of his prior health experience.
In retrospect, I should have stayed to make sure he was okay, hydrated, and fed, given the after-effects of his near-death health scare. I wasn’t in my best thinking mode though because I was so tired and a little embarrassed. This has never happened to me before. All of this — meeting a near-stranger etc., etc., was so different from what I have ever done. I told him to rest, not push himself, and went home to sleep.
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? When I woke up and reflected on the evening somewhat, I thought shoot, what if he is dead. He literally has had a near-death experience before from his health condition.
I felt guilty about not making sure he was okay. So I called to make sure he was still alive.
We both have a sense of humor. So even if this was probably not what either of us had imagined, hopefully we both find it humorous (and are both glad he is alive and doing well). I am super-curious how this experience looked like from his perspective. One of the best things about this web site is the opportunity to see the diversity of sexual experiences from different perspectives.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, Exchanged recent STI test results
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Power / Dominance, Submission / Relinquishing power, Making new friends
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Learned a lot about an interesting person. I love hearing people’s stories.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I’ve never had a person clutch his heart and get sick in the middle of sex before!
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It makes me realize how specific my preferences are.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? One of the best things about this forum is the opportunity to see the diversity of sexual experiences from different perspectives.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!