by Always out for fun

What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 58
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Maryland
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? self
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 40
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

She Made Me Do It

How long ago did this hookup happen? 34 years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I was into women up until my college years, when I explored being with men. I knew I liked both, but back then it was either gay or straight. In the restaurant industry, I was working with several people I did/or would have liked to have had sex with. It was all a fun time, and anytime there was sex it was very consensual and amongst friends. We worked with a young married couple, both servers in our restaurant, both good looking, but she in particular was striking and beautiful. She would tease me when her husband was not around about messing around, and then later teased me about if I was into women or not. This went on for a few months, and it bugged me. I mean, if I was in the mood, she was perfect for me – except she was married, and that was too weird, and off limits for me. Some time passed, and we were drinking and probably smoking pot, and she was definitely challenging me and pushing me to have sex with her. There was a mean streak to it – like was I gonna be a man and do it, or prove I was gay? I remember actually wondering who was more attractive – her or her husband? They were both nice enough, but he seemed really chill, like he was a good guy. She seemed to be more assertive than he was, and I recall wondering if that was OK for him, and wondering about how their relationship must be if she was that flirtatious with me. Outwardly flirtatious. She just wouldn’t let up. It was both flattering and awkward. I think I was too young to sort it out.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? She was instigating it, and in a sense, I was up for any sexual conquest back then. There was enough planning involved that we ended up going back to my place, and quickly ended up in my bedroom. I lived alone at the time. At the time we definitely had been drinking, so things might of been a little sloppy – she was a lovely woman physically. Beautiful, like a movie star and normally I would have been on cloud 9, but we just had very average sex.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? There was such a disconnect, and only once before did I have “meaningless sex”. I had a lot of sex back then and it was always a) fun with a friend/acquaintance NSA, or both) in a good relationship with great sex. Once I had a three way with a woman and another guy. We were great friends, kinda drunk, and we all knew what we were doing. A great time, that didn’t leave anyone feeling anything but kinda cool about it.

This night with Karen, it was kinda automatic, We started kissing, and taking each other’s clothes off. On one hand it was kind of hot – like angry sex, on the other hand there was this vacant feeling. Without much foreplay, I remember being in the missionary position, and she was into it- from what I could tell. I know I came, but couldn’t tell if she really did or not. I remember more about finishing, and rolling over in bed, thinking immediately – WTF. what was that all about? Not much talking – She left, and I fell asleep.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day I really was freaking out that I had slept with a married woman. It made me so upset i couldn’t go into work and face her husband. Surely she would never say anything, but just in my own head – I was not gonna be able to look him in the eye ever again. I felt horrible about it, and wanted to apologize to him and let him know how sorry I was. Of course i didn’t do that..

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Intoxication, To feel better about myself, power/dominance, peer pressure, revenge/getting even.

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Only my best friend at the time. His reaction was both envious like “holy shit!” and worried like “what are you going to do??”

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Do you regret this hookup? Very much

Why do you regret this hookup? I let someone pressure me into having sex with them. That had never happened to me before, and I dont know what felt more ugly – that I had (sort of) non-consensual sex, or that I had sex with someone who was married. Later it was clear which was worse for me – I had sex with someone who was married.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I learned to never do anything I didn’t absolutely want to do.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Imagining how messed up her relationship with her husband must have been to do that. No, the worst was imagining how terrible his life must have been before, and how terrible for him if he ever found out. He as a really nice guy.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. If it’s consensual then it’s cool. NSA is OK if there are really no. strings. attached. It made me start to think about my own sexuality and how I was attracted to both sexes, and liked it that way. Have remained very happy that I can enjoy both worlds.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I didn’t and wouldn’t ever do it again. For me, it was pretty bad.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I wish everyone were just a bit more open, and able to make room for casual sex. Sure feels like anyone under the age of 35 these days is already pretty cool with not having sexual labels, and many more (guys at least) seem to be open to experimenting with same sex encounters. Actually there were so many straight guys that wanted to experiement- and only wanted to try it with me. There was a friendship and trust there. Almost all of my guy friends remained straight – got married, etc. Like I said, it was just a thing, a time a place. it was easy – except when Karen pushed it into something ugly. And I let her.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It is great – good to know people can just start putting stuff out there. Get enough volume and get some data out of it.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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