What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 47
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Ireland
Highest education received: High school diploma
What’s your occupation? Factory worker
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Women’s bodies are the most beautiful in the world
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 7
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? First one
Spaniard meets Irish (Friends With Benefits)
How long ago did this hookup happen? 4 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I knew this Spanish women for many years. She is considered VERY attractive (pretty face, amazing body and friendly personality.) We initially met in a city in Ireland and when her boyfriend at the time (now her husband) kept making excuses NOT to help her get a job in a factory, I went behind his back and organised her to have an interview at the factory and she got the job!! I had always found her attractive and we became ‘kinda friends’ at first (more like ‘work colleagues’) and she had been suspicious of my motives to be friends telling me (and other men who were chatting to her) that she was committed to her boyfriend. I guess the gift of the Irish charm started working its magic and we became friends (ONLY friends) even after she got married.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? She returned to Ireland to look for work as an interpreter at an American Company and we met up one day to have a coffee. As we were walking from the bus stop to my Apartment, she surprised me by saying she had feelings for me and she wanted to have sex!!. I’m self-conscious about my ugliness and my short stature but decided “OK, I’ve always desired you, so your wish is my command”. There was no planning involved and we went back to my place and she instigated it.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We brushed our teeth (as you do!!) and went to my bedroom. She immediately started taking off her clothes and we were naked and kissing one another. She was very horny and gave me an AMAZING blow-job!! Then we had to wait a little bit until I got hard again so we passed the time caressing one another and she was telling me her husband didn’t fuck her anymore and wasn’t making an effort to communicate with her and their child. When I got hard, she wanted to be fucked ‘doggy-style’ so we fucked and I came again. She didn’t cum (she said afterwards that she couldn’t relax because she had to pick up her child from the creche within the hour) but said she wanted to have me as an ‘Ireland’s Especial’ and I agreed to that. We began working on a strategy regarding when and where to have sex.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? She returned to Spain very shortly after the hookup and we kept in touch but in a more secretive way..she would ring me when she was walking from work to her apartment and we would flirt on the phone. We are realistic about the future. She’s afraid to leave her husband (even though she’s VERY, VERY unhappy) that she realises (and I’ve admitted it) that I don’t have ANY interest in having kids or that I don’t have the personality to be a ‘dad. We both had a tormented, unloving childhoods and that gives us a common understanding. We are still very much friends and I love her as a friend.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, Submission / Relinquishing power
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told one of my sisters and my male friend whom I shared the Apartment. Later on, I told my best female friends (who knows this woman I hooked up with) and she wasn’t surprised at all and was happy for the both of us.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Other
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? We both felt and have a connection to one another. It’s nice to have ‘comfort sex’ and feel that another person finds you sexy, attractive, sensual, etc.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Having to shake her husband’s hand whenever I’d meet him. He thinks that men like me can NEVER get any women and he doesn’t suspect a thing. He suspects other men of trying to seduce his wife but he doesn’t suspect me. The other bad thing is his wife and I not being able to feel free to cuddle one another or hug one another when we want. We have to sneak a quick peck/squeeze on the bum when he is talking on the phone or browsing the internet.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? First of all, the hookup changed my mentality about how women see me. I adopted a devil may care attitude and I think casual sex is great. Many other of my friends who are married or committed are deeply unhappy/frustrated. A lot of this is down to financial pressure and/or a lack of interest in sex by one of the partners due to mental illness or whatever sexual dysfunction they may have. Sexuality is very important in day-to-day life and as long as its consensual then it’s OK. I have more confidence in myself and that’s a great feeling to have.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? We were both nervous (at first) about the hookup but then we grew in confidence about managing when/where to meet and that lessened the stress of being found out. When I was in my early 20’s I had been judgemental about people cheating on their partner, but now I understand WHY people do it. Life is tough, even at the best of times, and if you meet someone you like and the hookup is consensual, then enjoy yourselves. No point being in a Nursing Home when you’re 77 years of age and regretting not having sex with Isabel/Antonio when you had the chance. LIVE LIFE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex has become more acceptable due to loss of religious (Catholic/muslim/other faiths) influence. Its role is very important in society. The change I would like to see is that casual sex is practised more responsibly (using more condoms AND birth control) but that people who practise casual sex don’t beat themselves up as much as they appear to do. Sex is good for your mental, emotional and physical well-being and makes you live longer.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I only came across it by accident on Youtube. I think it’s great. It’s awesome to read other people’s experiences and thoughts about their encounters.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!