What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 21
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? One
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

Still a Virgin?

How long ago did this hookup happen? A few months ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He messaged me on tinder and we had a quick, witty rapport almost right away. His pictures showed a tall, fit, broad shouldered young man with blond hair and a short, scruffy beard. His bio mentioned that he was British. After a few days of texting he asked me to tea, and I agreed. I found him physically and intellectually attractive (the accent didn’t hurt). It’s important to note that this all happened when I was visiting a friend – most of my interactions on tinder started with “What brings you here?” As a virgin, I was not seeking out casual sex for the week I was in town. Mostly I wanted to get drunk and make out with someone. The friend I was visiting lives in a much bigger city than I do, so I saw the visit as an ideal opportunity to get some action.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We met for tea around noon. He looked like his pictures and we had an engaging conversation for nearly 2 hours. At that point he suggested we go for a walk, to which I agreed (there was a blizzard and about a foot of snow on the ground). He paid for my tea and we started walking – he immediately put his arm around my waist as we walked, which I didn’t mind because it was very cold. We ended up at a park where people were ice skating and we watched them for a few seconds before he kissed me (and I kissed him back). After we kissed for a few minutes, he invited me back to his to drink wine on his balcony. I said yes because it sounded fun and I like him, but I wasn’t expecting anything more than to make out for a bit.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We started making out almost immediately on his balcony. While I was sitting he undid my bra strap and started kissing my breasts. I felt a bit uncomfortable since we were sitting outside – I was cold and felt exposed. Then he unzipped my pants and started to finger me, which also made me uncomfortable. He asked if I wanted to go inside, so I rezipped my pants, walked through the door, and took off my shoes. His bed was immediately inside the door. I was scared. I did like him, but I didn’t want to lose my virginity like this. I also didn’t want to admit that I was a virgin. He started kissing me again, sat me on the edge of the bed, and took off my pants. While he went down on me he took a condom out of his bedside table. This also scared me. He continued kissing my face and breasts, fingering my clit (which I liked – no one had done that me before), and eating me out before he tried to get it in. Just the tip was in and I was in a great deal of pain, so I told him “I’m not there yet.” He tried a couple more times and they ended the same way. Eventually he gave up, muttered something about not cumming, and took the condom off. We continued making out and touching each other on his bed until I said I needed to go. He slapped my ass on my way out and suggested we meet up again.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt…weird. A little ashamed, a little relieved that I had finally lost my virginity. But I also wasn’t sure if it “counted” since it was just the tip. I didn’t tell anyone about it besides the friend I was visiting. I texted him a couple weeks ago, hoping to meet with him again the next time I visit. Although I never intended to have this casual hook up, I realized in hindsight that he was an excellent lover – more worried about getting me off than himself – and I had already established a connection with him. If I’m going to continue having casual sex, I’d like to limit the number of partners as much as possible.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel more confident, Peer pressure, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Not at all

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friend when I got back to her apartment. She was shocked but happy for me, and was eager to give me sexual advice.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? Because it didn’t feel complete, and it’s a “first time” story that I’m not eager to tell. I’m ashamed of how it happened and the fact that my first time was a one-night stand.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Learning how to stimulate my clit. No one I had been with before knew how to finger me properly. Now I could get myself off.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The pain of him trying to penetrate me, and the shame that came with asking him to stop (without letting him know I was a virgin).

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Absolutely. I’m beginning to see that my emotional needs are fully met by my friends and family – sexual relationships at this stage in my life need only exist for physical satisfaction (and the mental relief that comes with it).

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I don’t see casual sex as inherently wrong, but there seems to be an overarching idea that casual sex is “sex with a stranger.” I don’t believe in sleeping with someone with whom you’ve never had a face-to-face conversation. Inviting someone you met on tinder to have sex immediately is a dangerous thing as a woman. The men I respect in my life would not feel comfortable if someone proposed a one-night-stand right away. Casual sex is best had when it happens organically because you are attracted to the person in real life.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I’m glad it exists.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!