What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 44
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Professor
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 10
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
You Still Feel Good to Me
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 month
What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was a much younger man, only 28. Handsome, clever, red hair, muscular, with a full beard. I met him that day; the minute we shook hands I felt immensely attracted to him. He was passing through and couch surfing at an apartment that I was renting a room in, while traveling for work. We went out for whiskey.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He came into my room to pick up a sleeping bag, the evening we went out for drinks. I had gone to bed, and he came in to pick his bag up off the top of a wardrobe; he turned and asked how I was. I did not plan to sleep with him; the apartment was small, and we were sharing it with three other young people. The walls were thin, and I felt very self-conscious at first. We just looked at one another and fell into bed together.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We kissed and he put his hand under my skirt. I was incredibly aroused, and he was very passionate. I was overwhelmed and embarassed. I am a cancer survivor. I felt I had to tell him, before I took off my shirt, that I had only one breast. I have been separated from my husband for two years, and our marriage was falling apart for years. I felt free and attractive for the first time in many years. He said it did not matter that I had only one breast; I still felt good to him.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt a bit bereft. He spent the next day sightseeing, and left the next evening for another event. I was disappointed. I had assumed we would spend another night together. I was leaving the day after, and I spent most of that time alone.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a few friends.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I felt free to explore new relationships, and move on from my failed marriage. I realized I was still attractive to men – even men much younger than I – and even though I am a cancer survivor. It was freeing and enabled me to recover a sense of power and build my self-confidence.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Not many downsides. I was sorry that he was relatively remote the next day, but I did not expect it to mature into anything.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. I think I would certainly be cautious about whom I slept with, but I feel that casual sex can be an empowering experience, especially for those suffering loss and self-doubt.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I think that there was some shame. The others in the apartment knew – I’m fairly sure they did, anyway. I felt self-conscious about that. I remember them being rather shocked when I told them my age in casual conversation the next day. I think that they had no idea how old I was. I got a few comments from another man in the apartment the next day that were somewhat flirtatious, somewhat critical.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think women – especially older women – are still treated as less respected for taking advantage of opportunities for casual sex, especially with much younger men. It’s somehow regarded as less acceptable for women to experience desire. With older men, it’s taken for granted and laughed off. I would like to see that changed, but I do think that women need to be cautious. My mother was raped by a co-worker. One cannot trust everyone – even friends.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s intriguing, and I’d love to know what the results of the research might be.
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