by Mars Bars
What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 34
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? NYC, NY, USA
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Scientist
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Queer
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? More than 40
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Still Got It
How long ago did this hookup happen? Two years
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (open)
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Disarmingly, extremely attractive, younger by about eight years. Met at a comedy con. We had been flirting for the past two or three days after we realized we had a bunch in common. He seemed nice and fun. I hadn’t flirted or dated anyone besides my husband for over a year and a half, during which time I had had a baby, so I was excited that someone so young and good looking was interested in me, even post-baby.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I instigated the hookup. We were at a party for the last night of the convention. We had been drinking, he had asked me to dance, we had taken some silly pictures together. I was nervous to initiate, but I finally got up the guts to ask him if he wanted to come back to my room.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? PIV sex only. He did not wish to perform oral sex on me, so I did not wish to perform oral sex on him (I am only comfortable if it is mutual). Since we had been drinking quite a bit and it was an arid environment, we had some difficulty with lubrication. We had sex for about an hour, slept for a few hours, woke up and showered together, had sex again for another thirty minutes or so before we decided to get ready for the day.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I hadn’t been forthcoming about being married, but I told him that my marriage was open and that I regretted not being honest the night before. He said that it wasn’t a problem for him. I also asked him if he felt like it was fine, and he seemed to react surprised and said it was fine with him.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my best friend and my husband, they were very supportive and kind about it. They seemed to think that I did the best I could and shouldn’t feel bad about it.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I felt like I was still sexy, beautiful, attractive, and that made me feel confident
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I think my partner wasn’t very mature and wasn’t as giving as he could have been.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I try and be more selective about partners who will be mature and giving. One easy way is to date men who aren’t quite so young.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? If either of us had prepared by bringing more condoms or LUBE, that would have made a big difference.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think it’s fine, but people should be more prepared for it and think it through a little more.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Cool!
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!