What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 38
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Canada
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 22-25
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? First Of Many
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He is a good looking, classy, older man. My husband and I were supposed to go to a concert with my sister and her husband. My husband didn’t feel like going and canceled at the last minute. My brother in law invited “S” to come with us.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? During the concert “S” and I flirted, danced and had fun together. There was nothing that happened that lead me to believe anything would happen. We just kinda clicked and enjoyed the show.
After the concert we went back to my sisters for a few drinks. After an hour or so my sister and her husband went to bed leaving us on the patio alone.
We continued to flirt and at some point ended up kissing. It was a nice kiss and sent shivers down my spine.
After another drink he said that he had to go. I asked him if that was a good idea because he had been drinking. I offered to let him sleep with me in the basement on the pull out sofa. After a bit of convincing he agreed to stay.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Even though we were sharing a bed, sex wasn’t really on my mind. We lay in bed talking and joking around. He made the first move, pulling me close and kissing me. We made out for quite a while, leading to touch, massaging, groping etc. Soon our clothes were off and we were lying there making out in our underwear.
As things continued, I helped him take my underwear off and pulled him on top of me. He put his hands on both sides of my face, gave me a deep kiss and asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this. I pulled him closer and said, “No, but if you don’t hurry up and do it I might change my mind!”.
He spread my legs wide and positioned himself at the entrance of my vagina. I pulled him close again and let out a sigh as he entered me.
We had sex for close to 45 minutes, making out almost the entire time. He changed pace a few times. Slowing down at the end and cumming deep inside me.
We kissed again and fell asleep cuddling.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next morning we woke up and still naked started to make out again and exploring each others body. I pulled him on top of me again and whispered in his ear, “Are you ready for round two?” We started to have sex again, and maybe 10 minutes later, my sister came running down the stairs to tell me breakfast was ready. Not being able to cover up my sister saw everything. She stood the embarrassed and kept saying, “Oh my god, Im so sorry, I didn’t know” over and over again. After she left, “S” and I giggled, finished what we were doing and got dressed. He left right away and I went upstairs to have breakfast.
My sister didn’t say a word until her husband left, then apologized and asked me what the hell I was thinking.
I didn’t expect to hear from him again, but about a week later I got a text from him and that lead to us seeing each other on a regular basis for the last 2 years.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, To feel more desirable, I was feeling lonely, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My sister: She was surprised and a little upset that I had cheated on my husband, but said it wasn’t a complete shock seeing how we had interacted throughout the evening.
My doctor: She lectured me about the risks and told me to be careful and smart.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? I had never thought I would be capable of cheating on my husband. This opened the door to a full on sexual affair.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The sex obviously lol. But beyond that “S” and I are really good friends now, we just happen to have a lot of sex together. He has pushed my limits and help me be more expressive and experimental in bed.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Cheating on my husband.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not really. I still think cheating is wrong and don’t believe I will ever cheat with anyone else. He has definitely changed how I express myself sexually.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex between consenting adults can be such a positive thing. The feelings and pleasure can be amazing. It should not be frowned on or looked down on by society as something negative.
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