What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 25
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? Africa
What country and/or city do you live in? South Africa
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 9
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
A Walk in the Park
How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We had been seeing each other for a while prior to the hook up. Although our “relationship” began as a friendship, nothing more, the more time we spent together, the more the lines became blurred. However, I soon realized that he was very much keeping his options open and became despondent. I guess as an act of protecting my feelings, I withdrew from him, started seeing other people instead. Soon he moved from the city and I saw very little of him. We managed to maintain a friendship and I would spend time with him whenever we was around. But prior to this hook-up, nothing ever transpired between us after ending things.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? About 2 years after (unofficially) ending things, I bumped into him at a bar. Or, more accurately, he knew I was at the bar and joined me there. We had a few (many!) shots together. I was pretty drunk, but still coherent. I was fully aware of what was happening around me. But I had that heightened sexual drive and feeling of desirability that only alcohol seems to achieve. We had been flirting with each other the whole night. When the bar closed, we went with a few friends to a park to smoke a joint. We snuck off from the group and started making out behind a tree.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He was sitting, I was straddling him. I remember riding him so hard, that my knees had abrasions the next day. But at the time, I was so turned on, I didn’t feel any pain. We thought we heard a noise (one of our friends approaching possibly) so he picked me up and set me in the hollow of the tree and started fucking me hard.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt great. He messaged the next morning, but honestly I wasn’t even expecting that. I had just started seeing someone else at the time, who I saw more potential in, so it was more like one last hoorah. Prior to this I had also been going through a dry spell so breaking that in such a hot way was awesome. Honestly, I felt no guilt and no regrets. We’ve kept in touch since, but just as friends.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Intoxication
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A few friends. They laughed at how risky it was (probably shocked because I’m mostly demure) but they weren’t too phased otherwise.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The sexual liberation I felt. That I could sleep with who I want to, when I want to, and REALLY enjoy it.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That it had to end because it was risky.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. It’s definitely made me put a lot less pressure on myself when it comes to adapting to social norms. I don’t need to be in love to have great sex, just because that works for the next person. Also, I feel like it was the start of me truly owning my sexuality- I can act sexually aggressive and get what I wanted instead of being demure and waiting to be pleased
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I enjoy casual sex. Is it emotionally risky? Sure, I’ve had instances where the lines have been blurred and feelings have gotten hurt. So my overall thought is honesty and being open is key to a great experience. Two consenting adults should be able to have great sex together, no strings attached, if that’s what they both want. I’ve also had great committed sex, I’m not disputing how good that feels too. But I’ve never understood why one should be given preference over the other.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I love it. I love relating to stories and knowing there are others out there who share my sentiment.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!