Best Friend

by Ava

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 32
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Las Vegas
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Homemaker
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Reserved
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 46
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Best Friend

How long ago did this hookup happen? Began about 15 yrs ago and ended 2014

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He’s tall, brown hair, blue eyes, pudgy, cute, sexy and attractive. We met shortly after my 17th birthday and became best friends.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Several parties later, we drank liquor and smoked pot and made out before having sex.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? At first things were amazingly awesome. The sex was mind blowing. He introduced me into a whole new world, BDSM. He always loved anal. Couldn’t get off vaginally normally. I thought nothing of it at first. A few years in, he asked for an orgy; so, my good friend and her boyfriend joined us. Surprisingly, he spent the most time with the other man, but we were all rolling on ecstasy that night, I was having fun and didn’t really put two and two together yet. As time progressed, he would only want blow jobs and anal sex, no vaginal. I began to question things at that point. Was there something wrong with me? Was I bad in bed? Did he want to stop our FWB? Cause I did. I felt like I was a bad person. We were just friends for a bit but I caved one nite and gave him a BJ. He asked me to lick his asshole. Before sticking my fingers in it. I stopped right there and asked him if he was bi or gay or just confused because in the 15 years we’d been friends, I’d never seen him with another girl, hell, not even a guy for that matter. He explained he liked vaginal sex at first but vaginas don’t feel right, they have a smell, they look weird and make strange noises; he despises going down on women; he cannot get off to a vagina; he doesn’t like dick per se, he likes to fuck assholes, preferably without a vagina nearby; he’s not gay; he can only get off from a BJ by me and doesn’t want to lose that. I explained I’m not going to service him without being serviced myself, vaginally, so we should just be friends but I’d be happy to be his wingman. Now he is in a happy relationship with a man and I am too.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? I don’t know

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We are still best friends. I’ll be the best man at his wedding, whenever that will be, and he will be the godfather of my future children.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Fertility awareness (days counting, temperature), Discussed STI testing history, Exchanged recent STI test results

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish, MDMA, ecstasy, molly

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish, MDMA, ecstasy, molly, Prescription pain killers (Vicodin, Percoset, Demerol, Dilaudid), Prescription sedatives (Valium, Xanax, Diazepam, Quaaludes, Phenobarbital)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My sister makes fun of me for not realizing sooner.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? We could’ve figured this out sooner and helped each other find the right person sooner.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Learning about myself sexually.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That i basically dated a gay man for 15 years.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I’ve learned that I will try anything once, twice if undecided and continue if I like it.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I would like safe sex practices taught to high school and jr high students with free condoms they may take with them. If they’re going to be having sex, shouldn’t we at least teach them how to have sex safely?

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think this is a great project.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!