Dealing With Husband’s ED

by Lexia

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 26
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Boulder, CO
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Auto Sales
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Dealing With Husband’s ED

How long ago did this hookup happen? Year ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Glen is a long time friend of my husband. He’s single, attractive, lifts weights, works construction, total eye candy and a man whore. I’m in local commercials for an auto dealership so I make effort to eat healthy and maintain my appearance.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? My husband works for a chemical company and began having health issues soon after our son was born. Upon further testing, he’d been exposed to a chemical linked to ED and sterilization. We got an out of court settlement but he’ll never be the same. His health is slowly declining. He’s out of breath easy, slowly gaining weight and diagnosed as sterile. Before his chemical exposure, we had a robust sex life.

It had been a year when husband initiated an awkward conversation. He would be OK if I found someone to have casual sex with. He insisted and encouraged it. It could be someone totally random or a friend-with-benefits arrangement. I know it was difficult for him to talk about but he insisted. We’re supportive of each other. I help him with things to achieve pleasure and in return, he thought it would be something I’d like. We watch free online porn together. He used toys with me for masturbation and my ‘camera man & producer’ when I briefly attempted cam modeling but nothing was fully satisfying and he knew it. I know I get frustrated when I don’t get sex. This was a deep conversation and at first I was afraid of the consequences but I was also turned on. I agreed to go along with it was when he said, “It would give him pleasure knowing I was having sex with someone else.”

We talked about options. There was a guy at work I have risqué conversations and flirt with but I didn’t want to take a chance of possible workplace gossip. He mentioned meeting someone out of town using an online hook-up app but I didn’t feel comfortable. I didn’t suggested Glen because I thought he’d get mad and call everything off.

When Glen’s at our house, I’ll come up with excuses for him to take his shirt off. Secretly, he’s my star fantasy during masturbation. One night, my husband and I were watching porn and he selected a cuckold scene. He was pleasuring me with a vibrator and said, “You should hook-up with Glen.” BTW Glen had been on my mind for the past 10 minutes. We agreed not to get jealous and this would not affect our marriage. He promised to have the conversation with Glen.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We rented a house at the beach and Glen took time off to join us. The first morning, my husband left with our son to deep sea fish and would message before coming back. Glen was having coffee and I walked out wearing nothing and asked if he was ready. He gave me a smile and we went to his room. I gave him oral then he gave me oral. I straddled him and rode him hard until I had my first orgasm. I begged for rough doggy and he didn’t disappoint. He lasted a long time then filled me with is sperm. We laid together until he got hard again. We had sex 3 times that day. For the rest of the trip, my husband would leave with our son then Glen and I would have sex.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? It’s been a year since the arrangement began and things are working out fine. Neither of us have developed emotional feelings and he still hooks-up with other women. I’m glad this hasn’t changed our lives. We have amazing sex 3-4 times a week. I don’t have to make worry about sneaking around, making excuses for why I’m late from work or where I’ve been for a few hours. He still comes over to watch sports with my husband and the two have remained close friends. Other than the occasional pat on the butt, which he’s always done and I like, we’re keeping things friendly around my husband and son.
I’m still young and would love to have more kids but due to my husband’s condition, he’s done. Our next issue as a married couple is, I want more kids and I’d love get pregnant again. I had the conversation with my husband and he’s ok with Glen getting me pregnant. We plan to tell people I was artificially inseminated with my husband’s sperm. Glen’s thinking it over. He suggested we should practice more. LOL

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one knows because people can be harsh critics and ‘you don’t know what you’ll do unless YOU are faced with a situation.’

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Having sex again!

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Nothing

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Before my husband’s health situation, I’d never thought of having sex with someone else. In my current situation, I think this is a good solution. I have my husband’s approval, Glen is his friend and someone I’m comfortable with. I’m attracted to Glen physically, which is a plus!

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I enjoy having sex with Glen. We connect well. This arrangement has helped our marriage.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? When people hear rumors of infidelity, I wish they would consider the circumstances before making harsh judgment.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great idea. It’s comforting to know other people are married and having casual sex.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!