Ex’s Ex-Best Friend

by Well hey

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 23
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly gay/lesbian
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? over 20
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Ex’s Ex-Best Friend

How long ago did this hookup happen? About 2 years

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was my ex’s friend while we were dating and we got along really well then (my ex always suspected I had a crush on him), but at that point he had stopped talking to him. I still talked to my ex occasionally because we had always said that there was a good chance we’d eventually get back together, but at this point I wasn’t interested in getting into a relationship. I started texting the guy because I missed him and wanted to catch up and we made plans to hang out for the first time in about a year. I was excited to see him again because it had been so long, but I wasn’t expecting anything sexual to happen.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I wasn’t expecting it at all. We went out and he bought be dinner and we ended up going back to his place and started watching some movie on netflix when he started pulling me closer and eventually he started kissing me.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I wasn’t expecting it at all so I was processing it as it happened. I found him very attractive, but just didn’t think he was interested as I’d never really thought of him as a very sexual person.

We were cuddling watching the movie which I didn’t really think anything of as I’m a very affectionate person. He kissed my cheek first and it took me a second to realize what was going on, but then we started kissing and taking off our clothes. He went down on me for a bit, and then we fucked on the couch first with me on top and then he turned me around and fucked me from behind. Then we moved to his bed where we fucked alternating various positions on and off for hours before I left because it was like 3 am.

I really enjoyed sex with him. I have a very high sex drive, and once I am started I don’t want to stop. I generally have sex with women because I tend to be more attracted to them, and with them sex that goes on for hours is effortless, and the fact that most men can’t go more than an hour is something I find very frustrating… with him though, I didn’t have that frustration whatsoever…

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Immediately after I felt kind of weird because I was still talking to my ex and I just didn’t want them to find out, but we had an unrelated argument a few days later and haven’t spoken since. That was really my only concern, other than that I really enjoyed it. Since then, we started hanging out as friends pretty frequently and hooked up every so often for about a year until I moved away. He’s now in a monogamous relationship, but whenever I visit family I usually find some time to hang out with him purely as friends.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device)

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s)

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a few friends, they’re used to these kind of stories from me so they didn’t really care.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Whenever we’d have sex it would last for like 4+ hours, which I really enjoyed.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I wouldn’t say there was anything bad. Probably just that I felt a little weird at first cause of my ex.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not at all. I have always felt that sex can really strengthen friendships, and I am very much in favor of casual sex and sex with friends.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I am in very strong favor of casual sex and feel it has played a very important role in my life. I was in an abusive relationship throughout a lot of my teen years, and it really impacted my confidence and self worth. I am still hesitant towards relationships, and casual sex has allowed me to explore different aspect of myself entirely within my control and without having to feel as if I am committed to anything in particular. At this point in my life, I don’t see myself ever attempting a monogamous relationship again because I have grown to enjoy casual sex so much. Another thing I credit to casual sex is that it allowed me to explore my sexuality in a healthy way without feeling as if I could potentially be hurting someone.

One thing I’d like to see change is the visibility. I know a lot of people engage is casual sex, and that kinky sex is far more common that people would have you believe, but it’s so shamed that hardly anyone talks about it. People talk about their relationships all the time, but rarely am I in company where I feel the environment is safe to share experiences regarding casual sex.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s great to have a place where people can share their stories and talk openly about how casual sex has played a role in their own lives.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!