The Four Year Fling



What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 21
What’s your race/ethnicity? East Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Los Angeles
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Full Time Student
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Buddhist
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 18
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

The Four Year Fling

How long ago did this hookup happen? 4 years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was tall with dark features. Very European, and incredibly charming and charismatic. People were drawn to him like a magnet. I had met him through an ex while we were dating and immediately upon meeting him, I knew I wanted to sleep with him. It was even hotter because he was 21 and I was still underaged by a few months.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After a few occasions of hanging out with the aforementioned ex, the chemistry was too intense to deny. Every time we were in a room together, those around us could feel the tension. However, things were a bit complicated. I had set him up with my friend and I was currently sleeping with his. However, one night after a night of heavy drinking, I texted him, professing my feelings of sexual attraction to him. The next day, after apologizing profusely for the inappropriateness of my approach, he invited me over anyway. He mentioned massage oil, wine, and a movie and the following night, I drove over without question.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Upon arriving, he could tell I was nervous. I was 17, way in over my head, with this insanely gorgeous 21 year old having me in his bed. He offered me a glass of wine to settle my nerves, and eventually after relaxing, we cuddled up and sort of listened to the movie. Little by little, his hands started working their way around my body. Mind you, at the time I was fairly sexually inexperienced, but I knew how my body was responding and how much more I wanted him to touch me. Eventually, clothes started coming off, and thus began the most intense hour and a half long rendezvous that would, in the end, leave me quivering. It is still, to this day, one of the best sexual experiences I’ve ever had. In the end, we discussed my now-ex and his place in the situation, as well as the fact that we needed to keep it under wraps from my friend. It was also technically illegal, so we were especially careful about keeping it under wraps.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The day after the hookup, I did not feel as bad as I should’ve. I continued to sleep with both of them for several months before becoming exclusive with my first suitor/now ex for a year. After we had broken up, I continued to see this hookup for four years, casually and on and off. By the time I was 20, almost 21, he began to profess interests in becoming more than what we were. We had always shared a deep connection and the sex was always good. During this phase, we started seeing each other regularly. He opened up about himself and dark aspects of his life that I never knew about. We became very fond of each other and at that point, decided to hold off on sleeping with each other to see how things would blossom. There was always sexual tension, even 4 years later. But when we actually had sex, (and note, it was the very last time we would ever have sex) he and I could both tell that the magnetic electricity that was once there fizzled out. We weren’t what we used to be. Eventually, we slowly stopped talking to each other. We went to the same gym for a while but after this, I switched gyms and started seeing someone seriously immediately after switching. Since we had several mutual friends, he knew I had begun seeing someone else and was (am) happy. There was a time of overlap where I had two gym memberships and went to our old gym for convenience. I saw him for the first time in months and I could clearly read the hurt expression on his face. He looked like a deer in the headlights when he saw me. Eventually, I canceled that membership and never saw him again. I still think fondly of him, but at the end of the day, it just wasn’t meant to be. I am now very happy with someone new.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to my sisters and friends about it. They all said that they weren’t surprised, as they could tell based on their own interactions with him that we had a connection.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The release of so much built up sexual tension.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The emotional rollercoaster that ensued for the next 4 years.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It made me respect myself a lot more as well as better understand what I want and deserve.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!