A Friendship Gone “Wrong”

by Bul

What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 19
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? The Netherlands
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Teacher
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

A Friendship Gone “Wrong”

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was a girl that I knew from the local sports club, we had been sporting together for over a year – maybe even over two. We had both looked at each other, interested in a intimate way. But for then, except for some thoughts, we were just friends.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? There was no planning involved whatsoever: we were sleeping next to each other while on holiday for practical reasons, our lips touched, we started to kiss, and then afterwards got touchy in the intimate areas – but nothing happened there yet. Even though we were both very needy, she because she hadn’t been sexually active yet, and I because I hadn’t had a relationship for quite some time and wanted to prove to myself that I was totally over my previous one. At one “date” we pleasured each other with our hands both coming to an orgasm. She reacted with disgust to my sperm, which made it a little awkward

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The actual hookup was also unplanned, she came over to my house for not a real reason, just to talk I think. We started to kiss, got intimate, dressed down and had vaginal sex. It felt pretty weird since she wasn’t that good, she was just laying down with her legs up, sort of just waiting until it was over and not showing any interaction or reaction whatsoever.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Weird, we both felt weird, since it wasn’t really satisfying for either of us besides the orgasms. Our “relationship” stayed with that one time and never got anywhere.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, I don’t know if my partner was on any (other) method

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, To feel more desirable, I was feeling lonely, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? In the beginning she was rather hesitant if she wanted to do it but at the moment she asked if I had condoms around so she definitely was in for it.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Some very close friends, they all reacted somehow surprised since there had been so much before that they were already expecting something.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? I don’t consider those hookups a good thing, not negative either, but I feel some sort of sorry for her, it was her first time and I wish everybody to have a better first time than this.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Everything leading up to it.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That she didn’t react to what I was doing in any way.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It made me want to hook up with girls less right after because the memory was so vivid and linked to the thought of a hookup.  There wasn’t a long-term effect.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Less taboo on it, more possibilities for open talking and openness so that people can know what the possibilities are, what the risks are, what kind of toys there are etc. etc. etc.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s a great way to do research on what the public actually thinks about a rather sensitive topic.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!