What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 30
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Canada
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Engineer
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 7
FWB In A Small Town
How long ago did this hookup happen? 5 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My first job after university was at a manufacturing plant in a small town of about 40,000. There wasn’t much to do and the biggest city was two hours away. “Cynthia” was also new to the company. We bonded over the fact that we were both new at the company and new to the town. I wasn’t particularly attracted to her. She was average looking or even a bit below average, with an average body, certainly not slim, as I prefer slim women. But when there is a lack of suitable women to date, any single woman begins to look interesting.
One Friday after work, “Cynthia” and I decided to unwind with drinks at a local bar. Our talk got to the topic of the non-existent dating scene. Cynthia also complained about the lewd comments and come-ons she got from the guys on the manufacturing floor. After the second beer, we were both feeling more relaxed and flirty. It was getting loud in the bar and we decided to get dinner at a place with better food.
The restaurant nearby was still pretty lame, but it was quieter. The conversation was comfortable and switched between serious and joking. Another beer and we were also getting more uninhibited. When the talk got back to the lack of dating options, we both mentioned that we thought dating and sex would be easier after we started working, but nothing was happening here.
I don’t even remember who initiated it, but we both decided to hook up that night.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We went back to her place. She wanted to take a shower first. I also wanted to take a shower and suggested that if we were going to hook up, we might as well start by taking a shower together. That’s where the foreplay started. Showering together turned out to be very arousing and a great way to get comfortable with each other’s bodies.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? From the shower, we moved to her bedroom. After toweling her off, I already had a full hard erection, but I somehow wanted to make sure she was ready and wanting before we got to penetrative sex. Maybe because she was a coworker and I wanted us to be on good terms post-hook up. So I was complimenting her on her body which I never did with partners before. Her positive responses turned me on even more. That led to me giving her oral and finger penetration. Out of nowhere, I asked her how she normally gets herself off. In the moment, I thought it was a dumb and inexperienced question, but she loved it and showed me by by rubbing her clitoris while I continued finger fucking her. That brought her to her first orgasm.
After that, she wanted to start fucking. We did missionary and doggie style before I came. We continued foreplay and had sex two more times that night. We had morning sex when we woke up the next day too.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We had breakfast after our morning fuck. We were able to have a positive conversation about out “post-hookup future”, since we were so open in our conversation the night before while we were having sex. That openness was a first for me, and I was glad it went that way. We both enjoyed our hook up, we both admitted that we were starved for good sex in a small town that lacked options, and that’s when we agreed to continue as FWBs.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, I was feeling lonely, Boredom
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? We both kept our FWB relationship very discrete from everyone in the company.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It was a fun and intense fuck after months of sexual drought. Then it led to a lot more, because we continued to see each other for on-going sex, as explained below.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Our FWB relationship ended a year and a half later when we both decided to quit and move on in our careers. We were living in a dead-end town. She went back to school to do her MBA. After she left the company and town, I quit a few months later and went to work for another company in a bigger city.
Also, during that year and a half, there were times of jealousy from both of us and also frustration from her, and regret from me that this did not grow into a LTR, but we were not meant for a long term relationship with each other at that point in our lives. Looking back, she was the most sexually connected person I ever had a sexual relationship with. Its the type of sexual connection I wish I could find in a LTR.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Our open talk before, during, and after sex that night led us to sharing with each other what turns us on and what new things we want to try. We both grew sexually from our FWB relationship. Over the next year and a half, we had a lot of sex together. We tried a lot of new things which grew our sexual repertoire.
While I was not attracted to her in any romantic way, having so much sex with her over a period of time did create an emotional connection.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? That first hook-up led to a FWB relationship that lasted a year and a half. There was nothing else to do in town so we spent almost every weekend having sex with each other. We had sleepovers during week nights too. The best sex were the times when she had a particularly bad day at work and wanted me to come over to fuck. We were at a horny time in our lives, so we certainly got the sex we both craved. We were having sex 4 to 6 times a week, 3 to 4 times in the weekend alone, for over a year. We explored different positions. We even watched some porn together, tried a little bit of kink and even some role play.
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