FWB with My Ex



What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 34
What’s your race/ethnicity? Hispanic / Latino/a
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Switzerland
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Watchmaker
What’s your current relationship status? Friends with benefits
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

FWB with My Ex

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 weeks

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My ex is an adorable little redhead I met at work. We dated only for 4 months and it was super intense, but drama from outside the relationship drove a wedge between us and we agreed to call things off while trying to remain friends. I’m still in love with her, and she says she feels the same for me.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? From the very beginning of the breakup, she told me she wanted to keep having sex with me. I told her I felt the same, but I’d need some space beforehand. A month after the breakup, she suggested meeting up that weekend for a night of sex. I agreed. Neither of us felt comfortable bringing the other person back home (neither of us lives alone and we both preferred to avoid questions), so I booked a hotel room.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? There was plenty of penetration and some oral sex. She’s not a fan of me going down on her but I made sure to do some just to tease. She loves going down on me on the other hand. We tried plenty of positions, took pics, made vids, and I cream-pied her all 3 times (IUD, no other sex partners for either of us). She’s really easy to bring to orgasm so I made sure every position we tried, I gave her at least two orgasms. The last thing we tried was anal sex, our first time doing it. She loved it, I was less than impressed, but it was okay. I think I needed more lube and I was unable to orgasm that time.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We cuddled and fell asleep, then had sex one more time the next day. I felt a strong connection to her that following day. More than the night before, but less than when we were a couple. My hopes were that we’d continue the FWB arrangement since that’s what she seemed to be interested in. For one week after the hookup, she kept sending me provocative texts about the “next time.” Now, I get the impression she’s changed her mind. I can’t bring myself to broach the topic, I don’t want to pry into her personal life.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) IUD (Intrauterine device)

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel more desirable, I was feeling lonely, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Nobody

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? I got my hopes up that it would become a regular thing, but it seems it will not.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The pleasure, the intimacy

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The emotional confusion

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? This was my first experience with casual sex. I think the fact that all my other sexual partners were girls with whom I was in serious, loving relationships severely influenced the repercussions of this hookup with regards to my emotional state. Rationally, I knew it was just a hookup, but emotionally I was having sex with a girl I still loved. Although my intention wasn’t to get back together, I definitely was hoping for this to become a regular arrangement. I feel like I am unable to separate emotions from pleasure, and I don’t think I’ll be engaging in this kind of hookup again with anyone.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex has too much of a stigma attached to it. As long as both partners consent, it shouldn’t be vilified. People need sex either for the physical release or the emotional connection, and societal standards make it difficult for old-fashioned people like me, educated to only be sexually active in serious relationships, to really enjoy it for what it is without getting hurt: just sex. I intend to raise my future kids to see sex not as shameful but as healthy (as long as it is practiced safely).

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It is an interesting research topic and I’m glad to be able to participate.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!