This post is sponsored by The T Bar.
What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 33
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York City
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Higher Education Marketing
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Jewish
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 9
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
A great job with one exciting benefit
How long ago did this hookup happen? A few days ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My husband of 10+ years and I have enjoyed a satisfying and exciting sex life. Over the past year or so we’ve been talking about our fantasies of being with other people or in threesomes/group sex. At the same I was getting to know a really hot coworker of a couple of years. He’s Latino, tall, dark, handsome, played for the Yankees in the minors. Since I had my husband’s support, I hooked up with the Yankee after a wine-infused work event – in the office, after hours. He went down on me, I went down on him, no one finished – too much wine. It was all casual and friendly after. Then he had to leave for the summer, and he came back as a grad student, working part-time. There was still a lot of suppressed chemistry between us, because of the work setting. One day he was working on a paper and suggested a coffee break. I asked whether we could get it on the way to his apartment. Smooth, right? So we walked over to his tiny apartment at the end of the work day, before his class. And finished what we had started a few months before.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I instigated it. It began in his apartment. We had to be very careful, as we were walking out together from work, not to raise any suspicion. There wasn’t much planning, though I’d been hoping for an opportunity like this since we hooked up after work a few months prior.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? His room was tiny. I could hear doors opening and closing as his flatmates walked in and out of their rooms. No one bothered us though. We kissed for a while on his bed, then took off each other’s clothes. I went down on him for a while, which he really enjoyed. Then he stopped me because he was enjoying it too much. He went down on me, and tried to make me cum for a while. I knew it probably wouldn’t happen with a new partner the first time. So I told him to fuck me. He obliged. It felt great. We both tried to make me cum, but no dice. Still satisfying. He had to go to class, and I had to go home, so the hookup had to be fairly quick. He finished, we got dressed and walked out of his place, heading our separate ways.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Everything was casual. We exchanged a few messaged about work the next day. I described the situation to my husband, which turned us both on, and sex with him has been even more amazing since. As for the Yankee, I hope we can do this casually every once in a while.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s)
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My husband. He was supportive, and hearing me describe my own pleasure turned him on.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The best part was that everyone was aware. He knew, my husband knew. No one was lying or cheating. I didn’t have to feel guilty. It was amazing.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Next time I’m bringing my vibrator.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It was a little bit of an ego boost. Otherwise, it just made me feel lucky that I have a supportive partner and a hot, considerate friend-with-benefits.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Open communication is the single most important factor that contributed to a positive experience in this case. Also, it was with the right person at the right time.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I catch myself thinking that over the past few months, we’ve jumped through the looking glass. We’re in a parallel universe where the concept of ethical non-monogamy has opened our eyes to many pleasurable possibilities. We’re learning so much, and experimenting has been so much fun. I also feel much more attuned to how relationships and marriages are portrayed in media. So few people seem to be aware of other possibilities than iron-clad monogamy. I wish there were more books, websites, materials, articles about ethical non-monogamy that would bring it into mainstream awareness.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Love it. Keep it going!
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!