He’s Getting Married

by Evelyn

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 27
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Louisville
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Over 35
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

He’s Getting Married

How long ago did this hookup happen? Frequently for 10 months

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Tall, long hair, white, beard, glasses, thick legs. We barely knew each other when it started. We worked together. I didn’t feel anything until we had a chat about sexuality and failing relationships one evening.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After a night at the bar. No planning, we were in my car. I asked, “Hey, do you wanna make out?”

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The first night we made out heavily. We had sex when we were together after that. We were nervous and excited about it. We meshed really well and learned each other’s bodies and movements very quickly. It’s the best sex I’ve ever had. He is a patient and kind lover, curious and open. We talked about everything when we were together. It’s still happening.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the first time, we were both very excited. But then everything became unclear and confusing. We established ground rules saying that this has an expiration date, we were not replacements for each other’s failing relationships. We talked again recently. We’ve both incidentally formed real feelings of love for one another but know that we can’t be together. He is still getting married later this year. And I need to be alone after ending an engagement. I care for him more than I care for anyone else right now.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Withdrawal, Condoms, Fertility awareness (days counting, temperature), Discussed STI testing history, Plan B / Emergency contraception

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Intoxication, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My best friend. Surprised but supportive.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How well we mesh. The sex is SO GOOD.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The secrecy and that the entire thing is forbidden and shouldn’t be happening. Or maybe that’s the best part?

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. I’m far more confident than I was in a relationship. I feel empowered to have the kind of sex I WANT. I dont feel pressured to go along with shitty sex anymore.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? It was dangerous. The fact that we never got caught is incredible. We’ve been sloppy a few times and maybe it was almost that we wanted to be found out to finally deal with the reality of the situation.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I encourage it! Especially as a woman who spent far too long in a relationship lacking in sexual desire. Women deserve good sex! Nobody is owed an orgasm but all parties deserve to have good and safe sex.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s so great! I hope that it can help further studies in the future. I also hope that it helps to spread the fact that casual sex is happening, has happened, and will continue to happen.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!