It’s Not For Me



What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 30
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Austin
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? I work at a meditation center
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Jewish
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 10
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

It’s Not For Me

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We had known each other as friends for a couple years and he was athletic in pretty good shape very caring very sweet actually. He wanted to be my boyfriend but I didn’t have those feelings for him I didn’t like him romantically but was attracted to him. I rarely get very attracted to a person I don’t feel romantic toward so it was strange. He was a great listener very sensitive

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We both equally planned it for 3 months then instigated it mutually.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We tried so much and he was a good lover….we met every week for 7 months then I outgrew it but the whole experience was good for me because it helped me heal from an abortion, bad ex-boyfriend and a sexual assault. But then I realized casual sex isn’t for me I started to feel empty inside and sick and I felt bad because he was falling in love with me but I didn’t feel for him.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We are still friends but I lost all attraction to him

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Plan B / Emergency contraception

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Everyone else was/is doing it, Peer pressure

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Nobody

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? I hurt his feelings and I was really in love with another man I should have spent that time with him but I hurt him too

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Healing from trauma

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Hurting people

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I feel more sexually confident and able to please myself and a partner but have outgrown casual sex it’s not too deep or fulfilling compared to romance & deep bonding

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex is hurting people more than it is helping them in most but not all cases.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? interesting

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!