What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 39
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? The Netherlands
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Unemployed at the moment
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Kinky fetishist
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? +/- 250
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
Long Term Casual Sex
How long ago did this hookup happen? It’s been going on for the last year and a half
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (open)
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met this guy on a fetish/BDSM website. We exchanged two emails, then chatted on the shore for an hour then exchanged numbers. This was a Friday. We arranged to meet following Thursday morning. I never saw what he looked like before I turned up at his apartment but the things he was texting to me really turned me on.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I arrived at his apartment and he came downstairs to get me. I was disappointed when I saw him because he looked like my then husband’s brother whom I dislike a lot. I was really horny so I thought I’d just have a fuck and that would be it.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We went in and after very short small talk conversation he lifted my skirt and felt me up with his fingers. I was very turned on and he really liked that but he didn’t let it show. He’s a BDSM master and although I’m not submissive, I like to give up control sexually as long as it doesn’t involve any name calling or too much pain. He was very firm and decisive but also respectful. He slapped me a bit and caressed me with these very hard gloves that ppl who make pavements use to hold the bricks. He kissed me a lot, fucked me and then he made me have an orgasm with this electrical dildo. Then we had something to eat and then he made me lie on a massage table and fucked me in my ass until I had another orgasm. We didn’t talk much, he asked me some questions about my background and I answered them. I asked him some stuff about all the kinky toys he had. I stayed there for about four hours. He is a good lover if you’re into that kind of thing, very tuned in.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was high, like on coke. I made arrangements to see him the following Thursday morning. We still meet about once a week without prospects for the future. I don’t like him as a person much
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, Submission / Relinquishing power
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to a few close friends about it. They were happy for me because my marital situation at that moment was very difficult.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? He lied to me about his personal situation because “you wouldn’t have come back otherwise”. I got addicted to him which was his intention as he said it himself in the beginning. I’ve been very infatuated with him for a year also due to the fact that I had little experience with BDSM and he’s very experienced. He began to like me more and more and every time I try to stop seeing him now he goes out of his way to keep me hooked. I feel like a junky and I’m not interested in other men. In the first months I was also dating other men but they seemed very boring compared to him.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? That he introduced me to BDSM and now I know that I’m not either submissive or dominant, just kinky
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That I got addicted to what he does with me and he won’t let me go
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not really. I’ve always had casual sex. I had 28 partners before I was 18. I love sex and I used to love the game, the chase
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I’m very torn about it.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It should be more accepted for people who like it. I’ve been made to feel very guilty by my mother and other female relatives when I was younger. I’ve been lucky but some girls get very severe social punishments for being promiscuous. Casual sex should be enjoyed by those who want to enjoy it without fear and shame
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I’m glad I could tell my story
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