What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 25
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Australia
What country and/or city do you live in? australia
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Urban Planner
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 78
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 5 weeks
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He is an older man, 8 years between us, he has children and recently found himself single. I used an app to find him, and he really wasn’t my ‘conventional’ type, but I took a chance on him because his profile was witty. We were complete strangers but built a good rapport online, and then I ended up driving to his place. I was nervous, excited, and very anxious as I always meet them in public but the timing would have meant an additional week had we gone that route so I bit the bullet and drove to his house straight up (I did give his details to my sister with explicit time-to-contact by!)
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We hugged when I initially got out of the car, then once inside we sat on his couch for nearly an hour watching Top Gear making small talk. There was no planning, besides me telling him HE had to make the first move because I am extremely anxious. He leaned across the couch and kissed me, twisted his fingers through my hair and held me there until I began to relax. Then he pulled me onto his lap and started to fondle me.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He lay me down on the bed, undressed me as he kissed my body, and began to stimulate my nipples, using his fingers to take off my pants and then stroke me between my legs. There was extensive oral with him to me, and me to him, it was remarkable how good he was at hitting the right spot. He continued to check if it felt good, and if I was enjoying myself. He was gentle but firm, and I asked him if I could fondle his balls and if I could stroke further toward his anus, it was a very consensual, and conversational hook up which made me feel completely at ease.
When we got the penetration we didn’t use condoms, but he had a print out of his results of a very recent STI test and he trusted me on telling the truth on mine. We didn’t even need lube, he went straight in. He barely lasted five minutes, which he seemed embarrassed by, but quickly laid me on the bed and gave me oral until I finished too.
We went a second round, this time I reached orgasm on top of him, and then he took me doggy style since I was too weak to continue on top. I felt in control, I felt like he cared about how I felt, and it was a very sensual second round where we changed positions multiple times, included oral in between, and eventually, when he finished, we cuddled. We did talk about it after, and I have never before finished twice in a night, so I was feeling very vulnerable and overwhelmed. He cuddled me and brought me water until I was feeling ready to leave.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was very tender and sore and overwhelmed. He was very insistent on the messaging, which was unusual, he wanted to know how I felt, and how I was doing, and then the next morning checked if I had taken my pill again (I told him I sometimes was a bit late so he double checked)
We discussed future hookups and agreed to take it as it comes with regularity, due to his distance from me (45-minute drive) and that I had a lot of work and he had longer work hours than me. We had initially discussed what we wanted in terms of a future, and that we were both seeing other people. He is the only man I have been able to be completely upfront and honest about who and how many other men I am engaging in sex with. The complete honesty has been refreshing and opened me to be more confident, happy and sexually open with him. He is the only one I don’t use a condom with, and I have made that known to my other partners who have chosen to continue to hook up with me (with condoms).
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, Discussed STI testing history, Exchanged recent STI test results
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Only my housemate, she is still to this day wary of him because he is so much older, after I told her about it she warned me to not get involved she doesn’t want me to fall for a man with kids. She says it is weird he messages me so often, and that it is controlling for him to check if I had taken my pill.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I reached orgasm twice, which has not happened with a casual hook up before.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I felt immense guilt at judging so harshly on appearances because he was the best hook up of my current experience
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Completely. We are now dom/sub relationship, and it has opened me to a whole plethora of new experiences and I have never felt so sexually confident or confident naked as when in front of him
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? We have continued to hook up regularly since
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? The harsh judgments I get by some new men when I am on apps trying to find new partners, they ask the inevitable question “seeing anyone else? when was the last time you had sex?” then when I tell them yesterday/last week/I have multiple partners more often than not, they berate me and degrade me. I immediately unmatch them, but the opinion continues with some of my friends to the point where I no longer tell them. As far as anyone besides my sister and housemate knows, I’m single and not having sex. I have wholeheartedly embraced it, I enjoy the flexibility of saying no to them or inviting them over when I need it, learning about various people’s kinks and what satisfies one doesn’t satisfy another, it is important to me to explore my sexuality currently and I have achieved that through casual sex.
I would love it if society would drop the slut-shaming and people would be open minded. The world has changed, people actually WANT to be with various people, that it’s great to my mental health to not have that one person anymore (I have had very little success with relationships so want to explore until I am ready to find that partner again)
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It is an enlightening, powerful project I am so glad that I found.
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